NASCAR

Racing is cool . Sometimes . There's just no argue on the sheer excitement you get as you watch one man trying to get another mother fucker to inhale deadly emission from his vehicle . NASCAR however is not the case . And no amounts of car crashes and dying rednecks will be able to change that .

NASCAR sucks sea otter blubbery balls . First of all , you don't want a long name for a motorsport . It's just lame , like a nerd race .

I see it now : National Computer BIOS-Operating System-Hardware Configuration
Repairs While Not Spontaneously Ejaculate Over Naked Girl Face Off .

' Decent ' race event , for an American that is .

Cool motorsports events always have short names . Formula One , or even better , F1 , MotoGP , World Rally Championship , or in short WRC .

National Association for Stock Car Auto Racing . Pfft .

I bet they need extra large billboards just like how every Americans need extra large sizes of everything . Trousers , bills and brains are some of the few items Americans need in extra large sizes .

What will they do without a short form.

NASCAR is the stupidest , most pointless form of racing ever introduced . In fact , its one of the most stupid and pointless things Ameri-fags has to offer to the world , along with MTV , imitation cheese , Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader , stupidity , NFL and more .

NASCAR is the second-most popular professional sport in terms of television ratings inside the U.S . Just behind NFL . If I were to make a hypothesis now , I would say Americans are stupid .

And just so happen I have proof .

The Shrine of All Knowledge , Youtube .

Get what I mean ?

NASCAR is shit . So are the fans .

Fat, stupid, shaves body hair to make a number. Typical.

75 million fans purchase over $3 billion in annual licensed product sales . Its like shoving my boner up Megan Fox knowing that 75 million people deserves to kiss my ass .

There is a strict criteria to be a NASCAR fan . You have to :

1) be stupid .
2) hasn't got a life .
3) own a cap that holds two soda cans with bendy straws .
4) be an American .
5) be a redneck .
6) live in a hittown .
7) love Alabama and Texas .
8) vote for President Bush .
9) owns a truck .
10) be a racist .
11) shoot your own town sign .
12) own a gun .
13) love country western .
14) be a fanatic christian .
15) hate gays and/or Koreans .
16) fail Maths , English, Science , Geography , History and every other subject known to curriculum .
17) weigh like an African elephant .
18) name your son " Billy " or " Bob " .

If you have fulfilled at least 16 of the above , you are most likely going to love NASCAR . In other words , eat penguin shit you S . B Langkar .


Now lifeless people , If you like NASCAR , here's why you should not .
Its boring and stupid .

Its like watching Brian France giving Mike Helton a blowjob while
Kevin Federline licks their nipples .

All NASCAR " professional " racers do is race drive around an oval track with 3 or 4 turns really quickly for about 3 hours or about 200 laps without crashing .

That's not a race !

That's burning fuel for nothing . Fuck ! What kind of racing only has left turns ?! And the only excitement it brings is the crashing , and rednecks go on some sort of orgasm over it .
I might as well turn my steering wheel to the left , put a brick on the pedal , and sleep for the next 3 hours .

Stupidity at its best ! Heck , even Ray Charles can emerge victorious
in NASCAR while playing jazz .

Frankly , I would watch NASCAR if I'm out of warm milk and the chess channel is broken .

NASCAR , exciting .

NASCAR is also not in anyway manly . Not that you need abs or look like a green chunk of mutated muscles to race , but REAL racers do have impressive body conditions and skills . Here's an idea to readers who don't quite understand .

An F1 car is terribly hard to drive . Very hard . We're talking carrying-Sean-Kingston-with-a-boner hard . Physically and mentally challenging . If you don't have the stamina , you lose so much energy in your body you pass out . And , if you can't breathe due to the speed , you pass out . You go too fast in a corner , you die . You go too slow in a corner , you don't get enough downforce and grip , you'll spin out of control and potentially die .
After a lap or two , any untrained son of a bitch will feel his neck giving way ,
even if he's just a passenger .

Not to mention the pit strategies , pit crew efficiency and weather influences . Under all these conditions , racers need to keep the best reaction at times . These make F1 awesome.

As for NASCAR , strap in , drive fast , turn left .

I genuinely believe anyone can race NASCAR ,

even if his diet is based of ice-cream , imitation cheese , chocolate and American fast food .

Someone like ... him .

NASCAR racers need to be sodomized by a 3-inch diameter steel pipe. Iced .

Another stupid thing about NASCAR is obviously the rule of using stock cars only . What thrill and excitement , can UNMODIFIED STOCK CARS , welded by baboons , looks terrible with stupid numbers on it bring to us ? Stupidly enough , they have car numbers like 00 , 01 , 1 , 2 ... and so on .

Why 00 ?

It's like Paris Hilton and a Thai manchick-hooker with bleached hair . If that doesn't ring a bell - NO FUCKING DIFFERENCE .

Can you not see the resemblance ?

Real race cars requires supreme engineering . McLaren Mercedes , Ferrari and Renault all have wonderful machines created with engineering brilliance . And they look stylish too . Stock cars , if converted to human , would look a little bit more like this ..

I wouldn't want a ride in that.

Scrap metal on wheels . Rubbish .

Butt-naked eskimos with tortoises biting on their balls in a blindfolded 1 kilometer race ought to be more entertaining .

Jaden's Tip of the Day : If you want to watch NASCAR , buy a blender . At least it can be more colourful .



P/s : My blog was on hiatus due to the Wimbledon 2009 ! Fingers crossed , Federer will win !
Pp/s : The bastard in my school's hairstyle is ridiculous . What your trying to prove here ?
That a huge amount of gel on the back of your head will confuse teachers in thinking your a shark ? Rubbish .






Horny girls are cool ,




L♥ve ,
Jaden .