Being trapped in a mine can't be fun

Trapped Miners in Chile to Get NASA Advice

First, a slight disclaimer. I am not making light of the situation, it’s a tragedy, and I feel for the 33 miners who are trapped, and even moreso for their families. It’s not a humorous situation. However … you know me … I find humor in the smallest things.


"We received a request from the Chilean government about advice related to our life science research," John Yembrick, a NASA spokesman, told SPACE.com Wednesday.
Well, I’m glad that NASA’s research will be used for more than just finding out if there are, in fact, little green men on Mars who dug water canals.

NASA officials are currently in a meeting to discuss further details.
Translation: NASA officials are currently in a meeting to discuss how much they are going to tell them. And how much they plan to charge for the divulgence of such information.

The small gold and copper mine in the northern Chile collapsed Aug. 5. On Sunday rescuers were able to dig a 6-inch-wide tunnel to reach the miners, the Houston Chronicle reported. But it could take four months to complete the rescue, which involves drilling a 2-foot-wide (0.6- meter) tunnel through 2,200 feet (670 meters) of solid rock.
Okay, seriously … It took a day to dig that tunnel (alright, let’s give them the benefit of the doubt and say it took 17 days – the time between the mine collapse and the tunnel to be created), but it’s going to take four months to dig one four times that size? Really? Methinks the mining company just wants to claim these miners on their insurance and call it a loss.

Wow, cynical much? It just doesn’t add up in my head. I understand there are safety concerns, and that blowing through solid rock is a bit harder (though, what did they dig that six-inch wide hole through, lollipops and daisies?) – but come on, people’s lives are at stake. Let’s get with the program people.

The trapped minershave been able to live so far off of limited food and water supplies in an area the size of a large living room.
*BTW, the lack of space between “miners” and “have” was not my typo, it was in the original story. I left it there in the interest of direct quotes. It does, however, drive me crazy.

Thirty-three people, trapped in a dirt room the size of a living room. Woo, where do I sign up?

Alright, let’s think this through.

• They suffered a mine collapse. They are still trapped underground for, in their heads, what’s indefinitely. That’s got to screw with you.
• Furthermore, they are in an underground room. You don’t think any of them hasn’t thought the room will collapse in on them? I know that’s one of the first thoughts that would run through my head. (Okay, I’m claustrophobic and pessimistic by nature, I get it, but still.)
• Let’s think about this – 33 people, in a room, they have to defecate somewhere. Granted on food rations, there won’t be a lot, but it’s the course of nature. I mean, four months in this room, with a corner full of nothing but human waste - not cool.
• The fashionista in me shudders at the thought of wearing the same clothes for four months. Period. Best throw them away when they get out, cause no amount of washing them will make them suitable to wear again.
• Oh, and if I go two days without a shower (sometimes just two hours), I start getting twitchy. I can’t imagine going four or five months without one. I mean, um, no. That’s might mess with my psyche more than anything, right there. Once I get out, I’ll be standing in a shower for a week straight, if not longer.
• How much interesting conversation can you have with 32 other miners? How many games of charades can you play?
• No internet? Shoot me now. Well, I guess, in reality, how interesting can your Facebook statuses be, so maybe that’s a good thing. “Trapped in a mine.” “Still trapped in a mine.” “Still underground, still bored, still hungry. Ready to eat Bill.”

I could go on and on, but you get the idea.

A physician on the rescue team said that the miners started out eating two spoonfuls of tuna, a sip of milk and a biscuit every 48 hours, the Houston Chronicle reported.
Yum, yum, give me some. Well, on the upside, if they were fat miners, they won’t be when they get out. Best. Weight. Loss. Plan. Ever.

"Psychologically speaking, we have to try to keep them on the right track and not give them false hope that it will be a short rescue," the Reuters news agency quoted Chile's Mining Minister Laurence Golborne as saying.

No beer and no TV make Homer go something something.
Go crazy?
DONT MIND IF I DO!

Physicians have recommended that the miners do regular exercises to prevent muscle atrophy as they await extraction.
Come on, 33 miners stuck in a mine for God knows how long? I guarantee you, if nothing else, their forearms are getting plenty of exercise.

Wow, did I just say that?

In reality, though, what sort of exercise are they going to get? Run in circles around the dirt hole in which they are trapped? I’m guessing it’s simple resistance exercises. But the way they worded it was sort of funny. When most people hear the word “exercise,” they assume cardio and that’s far from what these doctors are suggesting, I’m sure.

If you were trapped in an underground bunker with 32 other people, all of whom are stinky and dirty, hungry, and probably quite whiny, I’m sure exercise would be the last thing on your mind. The first thing on my mind would be asking for a rock hammer and I’d start digging the hole my damn self. Hey, it worked in Shawshank, it’s good enough for me. (After all, Hollywood wouldn't lie, would they?)