Nothing thrills me more than the thought of camping with reality TV stars!

Would You Go Camping in the Cold with Sarah Palin?
No, no, no, no. Whereas I would get to see a moose, I’d much rather go looking for moose with different company – and maybe just seeing one at the zoo will be good enough for me, thankyouverymuch.

On Sunday's episode of Sarah Palin's Alaska, the former Republican vice presidential candidate invited fellow reality star Kate Gosselin into her home and out into the Alaskan wilderness for an overnight camping trip with their kids.

Wow, two of my favorite people together, in the great outdoors? Where the heck do I sign up???

Let’s break this down … first, camping. I am a pasty white girl who is fat. I do the internet, I do video games, I do movies. I don’t do camping. Camping is torture to me, not fun.

Okay, let me be fair, I don’t despise Sarah Palin. I just wish she’d keep her mouth shut 95 percent of the time. That being said, I do believe some of what has been done to her is completely unfair and unjustified. I just don’t know that I could tolerate hanging out with her, for fear of something like “refudiate” causing my head to implode in the middle of nowhere in Alaska. She can hide a body, I am sure of that. If nothing else, she can hide it in Russia, since she can see it from her house.

Now, Kate Gosslin, there’s someone I can’t stand. Just the mere thought of her makes my head want to implode.

Ergo, if you ever hear me say I *want* to go on a camping trip with Sarah Palin and Kate Gosslin, please call a therapist and seek help because that would be suicide.

Though the women hit it off at first, bonding over paparazzi woes, Gosselin, who arrived with her eight children in tow, became uncomfortable pretty quickly.

Was she uncomfortable around Sarah Palin, or was she just uncomfortable because you can only hold your nose in the air for so long before you get a crink in your neck?

Yeah, there's a typo in there. Let's hear
it for government-created signs.

Palin did her best to prepare – and frighten – her guest during a bear safety course, which included a segment on shooting guns at a firing range.

Wow, a bear safety course taught by Mrs. Palin herself. Really makes you wonder what kind of cool PSAs we’d be getting from the VP had McCain won the election, doesn’t it?

"I can't say I'm a gun advocate," Gosselin said, "but ... if I had to use a gun to save my kids, absolutely [I would]." And she did, firing off a shot for target practice.

Right, this is like saying you’re not an abortion advocate except in the case of rape or incest.

When it came time for camping, it was the rain, rather than the bears, that worried the women. Though Palin was determined to have a good time, Gosselin admitted she didn't understand the appeal of being in the great outdoors where it's wet and cold.

The story said it worried the “women.” But it sounds to me like Kate was the only one worried. Aww, honey, are your extensions going to shrivel up in the rain? Or will all your makeup run? Oh the travesty.

"Rain or shine, Alaskans still camp," Palin said with enough enthusiasm for a political rally. "We still find a way to have fun and enjoy every new experience we have out in the great outdoors."

Umm, Sarah, that’s because that’s all you can do in Alaska. But, remember, some people, like pasty-white me, who only goes outside when the internet is broken, don’t do the great outdoors.

Gosselin, who immediately expressed interest in a lodge rather than a tent, soon had a mini-meltdown. "This is cruel and unusual punishment," she said at one point, adding later, "It just kills me that people willingly do this. That is so shocking to me ... We are not camping people – I will scream it from mountaintops."

Kate Gosslin have a meltdown? I can’t believe it. Say it ain’t so.

Really, I have to ask, why on Earth did she sign up for this if she doesn’t do camping? Did she not know until this happened? Or were TLC and Palin willing to fork over some serious cash for this stunt so she can keep her cushy little life? Cause we all know the reports – Kate’s broke, and now she has to homeschool two of her little delinquents, whatever will she do, she obviously can’t work.

In the end, Gosselin proved her point and headed home, electing not to spend the night in a tent with the Palin family. "I held it together as long as I could and I am done now," she said. "We're going where there's warmth and dryness."

I can’t help but wonder if there was a contractual obligation. Because, believe me, if I was some exec at TLC, I so would have made prissy-Kate Gosslin sign a contract stating she’d stay through the night. And fight a bear. And drink her own urine. And eat grubs. Just because, well, I could. Come on, Kate Gosslin doing the Bear Gryllis thing, that would be awesome!

Though Palin was disappointed her guest didn't stay and enjoy the cold and rainy camping trip, she seemed to understand that it's not for everyone.

You think?

"I suppose if she took me to New York City or some red carpet event," she said, "I'd be the same way, like nah, get me home."

Sweetheart, yeah, that’s what the campaign train for the Republican presidential ticket was. Perhaps you missed that memo. I’m not saying it’s a good thing Obama won, at least not for me, but perhaps it was the best thing ever for you. Because had McCain won, you’d have to work now as opposed to playing out in the cold and the rain, fighting bears.