What more can you want? West Virginia, rednecks, knives, and oral sex

Woman Utters Line Never Previously Recorded In A Police Report

Meet Melissa Lee Williams.

Hi Melissa Lee Williams.

The West Virginia woman, 41, is facing assault and weapons charges after allegedly waving a knife at two men who declined her demands to engage in sexual conduct at a motor inn.

Before you keep going, please remember this took place in West Virginia. The only other place I could even imagine this taking place is Alabama.

Wait – demanding sexual conduct at a motor inn, I can see that happening just about anywhere. It’s the rest of the story.

According to investigators, Williams--who lives four doors down from her estranged husband at the 77 Motor Inn--showed up at his door and asked Danny Williams and another man to “eat my pussy.” At this point, Williams, pictured in the mug shot at right, “commenced to undress herself,” reported Deputy Ross Mellinger.

Okay, first of all, she is estranged from her husband – alright, I can handle that one.

They live four doors down. Alright, I can even handle that. It’s a little weird, I would think you’d want to be further away if you were estranged from your husband, but different strokes.

They live four doors down at the 77 Motor Inn. Really? They both live in a roadside motel? (Does anyone else hear dueling banjos yet?)

She went down and proceeded to inform her estranged husband and another man (who met him at a seedy roadside motel, so one might assume it was his gay lover), to eat her pussy. Wow, this woman is ballsy. (Well, not really, apparently, but you know what I mean.) And not only did she tell them to eat her pussy, but she started to get undressed before she received a positive acknowledgment. Jump the gun much?

Anyone want to place bets on if alcohol was involved?

While Danny Williams “declined said invitation,” the other man, Adam Watson, told cops that he “agreed to perform at her request.” However, as Watson approached Williams, “he became overwhelmed by horrible vaginal odor emitting from Melissa Williams.” Watson, understandably, “declined to proceed any further.”

First of all, the estranged husband declined the invitation. That should tell us something right there. He knew what he was in for and declined.

The other guy agreed (okay, so obviously he’s not the husband’s gay lover – he swings both ways). Until he was overwhelmed by horrible vaginal odor.

Ladies, you’re supposed to keep it clean down there all the time. But seriously, if you plan on getting a little something, something (or worse yet, demanding a little something, something), you really should have the decency to make sure it’s clean. (Perhaps the chick in Florida needs to give her some lessons on genital grooming – and no, I can’t take credit for that joke, that was all Scott.)

This is when Melissa Williams allegedly “produced a lock-back folding knife,” opened it, and pointed the weapon at her estranged husband. She then reportedly uttered a line never before memorialized in a police report: “Somebody is going to eat my pussy or I’m going to cut your fucking throat.”

Wow, nothing like good old-fashioned romance. But, really, you must admit, dealing with the smell is punishment enough – no need for violence.

When Deputy Mellinger arrived on the scene he observed Williams--who, like the two men, appeared to be intoxicated--nude from the waist down. After pocketing a knife that was on the coffee table in front of Williams, Mellinger arrested her for domestic assault and brandishing a deadly weapon.

Really, they were drunk? I’m shocked – shocked I tell you!

And the cop “pocketed” the knife. He freakin’ stole her knife. What the hell. I’d be pissed if I were her. “Give it back you prick or I’ll force you to go down on me!”

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By the way – this story was so much more well-written than many others I have posted and it came from thesmokinggun.com. See where all the writing talent in the world goes? Gossip sites and horrible blog writers.