My Gold Envelope has it all wrong

While Munchkin naps, I have Food Network on as background noise. I don't really pay a whole lot of attention, as I'm usually looking for jobs or something. But one thing I have noticed is that the commercials for My Gold Envelope are on all the damn time. It's like you see it every commercial break.

Here's the thing, I think they've got it all wrong.

Think about it, their commercials are on primarily during the day. What's your main audience at that time? Stay at home moms, who are probably married and have extensive jewelry collections they can't part with. Hello.

No, here's what they need to do to make their advertising campaign more effective.

1) Advertise in divorce attorneys' offices. I mean, who is more likely to want to get rid of some jewelry than a woman who has gone through a bitter divorce. Have the lawyers send an envelope with their final bill. Perhaps people will send in their gold so they can pay the divorce attorney ... it's a win-win for two businesses.

2) Focus your commercial budget on late-night TV and infomercials. Why? Well, as an unemployed individual, I can tell you insomnia is a regular problem for those who don't work. When you can't sleep, you often end up flipping channels at weird times of the night. It's then that you are most susceptible to crazy ideas, like sending in your gold to get some sort of income.

3) Along the lines of preying on the unemployed, put banner ads on job search sites like CareerBuilder, Monster, etc. It gets super frustrating to search for jobs day after day with no results, so I'm sure some people might be willing to click the banner ad because of the desperation for money.

Furthermore, I really hate the commercial. I won't make you guess, I'll share! :) On the commercial, they talk about how you can use the money towards a vacation, or a new flat-screen TV.

First and foremost, I have a big problem with people telling me what I can and can't use my money for. What if I want to use it for something practical, like paying off my credit card debt or an extra mortgage payment? Or what if one of those recently divorced individuals wants to use it on something frivolous like a prostitute or a mail-order bride?

Honestly, I don't think anyone ever suffers from that "What can I spend my new-found money on?" Just last night I was thinking about all the things I'd do around the house if we won the Powerball. I just don't think anyone needs help figuring out what to spend money on, and for shame at the presumption some marketing guy needs to take it upon himself to do such a thing.

Here's my new commercial...
"Hey, you ... yeah, you, the recently divorced woman who won't be getting an alimony check. Do you want to get rid of all the jewelry that cheating bastard bought for you? Don't just throw it away ... and don't take it to the pawn shop. Send it to us so you'll get what it's worth (*snicker*). Just call this number, we'll send you an envelope and all you do is put all your jewelry from that douchebag in the envelope and in days, we'll send you a check. Then all you have to do is cash it and go out and spend it. And everyone knows a divorcee's best therapy is retail therapy. Let us help!"