Trysh versus the Sesame Street tricycle

First a little background... my child loves Elmo, despite the fact I think he's nothing but a little furry irritant. (And since I found out what the guy who voices him looks like, I can't look at him the same again. Bald, black middle-aged dude creating that voice is just a bit odd.) Anyway, she loves stealing Billy's tricycle when we go for walks. So, for her birthday I was going to buy her a tricycle, and when I found an Elmo one, I thought it was a match made in heaven.

I've been putting off putting the darn thing together for awhile. But since her birthday is Saturday, it had to get done. Tomorrow starts the baking and prep work for the cookout, so I wanted to get the tricycle out of the way.

Let the fun begin.

I unpack the box. Imagine the surprise when I find...

Ten individual pieces and only two nuts and bolts. WHAT??? That doesn't make sense. (In time it did. There were a few more inside other pieces.) But you can imagine my initial shock thinking, "How safe is this for my child to ride on?"

Moving on, here come the instructions.

Seriously? That many instructions for something with TWO FREAKING BOLTS? Are you kidding me?

Better yet, did the instructions make sense? Hell no they didn't. They were telling me to put caps on the axle which was stupid because the cap was already on the axle. Wow, apparently the tech writers and the packaging/parts people did not communicate at all during the development of this product. (How big a geek am I to recognize such a lack of communication during product development?) God these people need a good tech writer. Hey, I happen to know a great one who is looking for work...

Better yet, get a closer look at the first warning you come to on the page...

That's right, it says "Do not allow child to ride trike if wheels are not securely attached." YOU FUCKIN' THINK?????

"Sure thing sweetheart, it's only got two wheels on it, but you know, you need to learn how to ride a two-wheel bike eventually. It'll be good practice."

Okay, so before I start to put the thing together, I decide to put the batteries in. After all, I knew it would be harder to do once the handlebar was attached. I unscrew and unscrew and unscrew the screw holding the battery compartment door on, but the door doesn't ever move. Just then I bump across one of the buttons and it goes off. WTF? It already had batteries in it??? But wait, refer back to instructions...

Doesn't it say "2 AA batteries required" and then it shows the screwdriver unscrewing the battery compartment door?

Well, at least I can put the batteries back in the drawer ... we only have three AAs at present in the house, and since I'm sure we'll need a million for all the obnoxious toys she'll get on Saturday, it works out.

Though, I might point out that the thing has no volume control (it's rather loud) and it has two options. The right "blinker" (it's a button that's in the shape of an arrow pointing right) makes a noise that's him laughing, but it sounds like he's being touched in his "special" place - it's definitely not a happy laugh. It's a creepy laugh. The left "blinker" plays a shortened version of the song in this clip.

All that aside, the thing went together quite easily. Save for the fact there was a wasp circling overhead. I don't know if it thought the show was entertaining, because it wanted a tricycle too, or because it knew I don't do insects (especially ones that fly and have stingers) so I'd have to stop and pull back every few minutes. (Yeah, I know, one of the few things I actually "go girl" on and it's an insect. Go figure.)

Here's the final product. Kinda cute, though I wish the colors were different. Oh well, people in hell want ice water.