2 + 2 = 5

I'm not a math genius by any stretch of the imagination. I mean, I did, after all, fail calculus the first time I took it. (Coincidentally, I have NOT found a use for that worthless information taking up space in the back of my head in the "real world" and fully believe it was a waste of my time and tuition money.)

However, you just have to love it when people screw up the most simple things. The most popular of which is a story from back in the hubby and his best friend's single days. They went to a strip club (*gasp*) and the girl comes up and says (I kid you not, I can't make this stuff up), "You can get one lap dance for $30, or three for $100."

I know you think I typed that wrong, so I'll quote it again.

"You can get one lap dance for $30, or three for $100."

Yes, you read it correctly twice now. The poor girl thought she was giving these guys a deal. Fortunately, my guys realized this and did not, in fact, take her up on her offer. But they like to tell the story often.

It's just one of the classic examples of things you should have learned in school and, apparently, didn't.

If I see one more person type: "Your welcome," in a comment on Facebook, I think I'm going to scream. (Side note, my own mother, who was a teacher, is a violator of this. However, I see so many typos in her comments, I think it's a result of the fingernails and her hunt-and-peck method of typing coming back to bite her. I could be wrong, but if you ever heard how often she corrects people's grammar, you'd know she knows better.)

If you can't figure out the difference between "your" and "you're" ... STOP USING THE CONTRACTION. "Your" and "You are" are your only two options at that point. Stop making those of us who know how to use contractions correctly cringe every time we read a comment from you.

Oh, and that brings me to "its" and "it's." You know how every rule has the exception? This is it. I know in grade school they taught you that if it's possessive, you add an apostrophe before the s. That's true. Unless we are talking its, and in that case you have no apostrophe. The only (and I mean only) time you use an apostrophe with its is when you want to say "it is." (See fourth sentence of this paragraph for a perfect example.)

Now, I know you're reading this thinking I'm nothing but a bitchy grammar and basic math Nazi. Well, yeah. Duh. Hi, have you met me?

But seriously ... we've got places like Arizona passing immigration laws mandating that they learn the language of the country (which I really can't say that I disagree with that thought), but until citizens of this country can handle the basics, how the hell can we expect immigrants to get them right? Does seem a bit counter-intuitive, doesn't it?

AGH - it's Double-Standard Boy to the rescue!

"Hello, illegal immigrants to the U.S.A. You must be able to both speak, and write, perfect English before we will allow you into our borders - but we don't expect that of our own citizens. Good day!"

Wait, maybe it should be something more along the lines of...

"Your in this country now. You must be able to speak and write the language of this country. Its imperative you do this. The fact we don't even make our own people do it isn't important. Thats life. And thats hot. Your not."