Due to the fact that I’m insanely bored and opinionated – never a good combination – I’ll go ahead and regale you with a review of the new Bret Michaels CD, Custom Built.
If I was a member of the Bret Michaels fan club, I think I might get kicked out for the things I’m about to say. But, well, c’est la vie.
Overall, it sounds just like what I’ve heard before. In fact, three of the tracks are actually from Freedom of Sound, another solo Bret Michaels project. Two others are “club mixes” of tracks from Freedom of Sound. Seriously Bret, could you not come up with some new music, so you had to lift from your previous work? I mean, sheesh. I’d rather have an eight-track CD of all new material as opposed to a 12-track CD where a third of it came from other CDs.
Similarly, the song Every Rose (the country version of Every Rose Has Its Thorn) is one of the tracks shared between this CD and Freedom of Sound. I like Every Rose Has Its Thorn as much as the next 80s girl out there, but come on Bret, let’s get it together and not live in the past. It’s not the only good song you ever wrote. Plus (God forgive me for saying it), it’s kind of pathetic that you lean on that song so much. It’s not like you were a one-hit wonder, for God’s sake. STOP ACTING LIKE ONE!
Now, onto some of the new tracks… first of all, it’s somewhat sad that all of his music has the same “monochromatic” sound to it. I mean, it’s almost like, “heard one Bret Michaels song, heard them all,” at this point. I know he can sing, I know he’s got range – I wish he’d use it. Come on, Bret, step outside the box. You’ve done it before, you can do it again. I know it’s comfortable in the box, but still.
If there’s one thing in music I can’t stand, it’s when artists refer to older songs (or worse, themselves), in lyrics to songs. I’ve often called this the “kiss of death” because most artists who refer to themselves in the lyrics of their songs don’t last too long. (Case and point, Bros. If you don’t know who they are, I just proved my point. I have seen them in concert – not by choice – so they really did exist and they really did suck, and the only lyrics I remember from any of their songs was “singing B-R-O-S, B-R-O-S.” But I digress.) In one of the songs, Bret refers back to the Poison song Sexual Thing (which is not one of my favorites, I might add). Really? Can’t come up with new lyrics so we have to scrape the 20-year-old barrel? (If you listen to some of his other solo stuff, it does reference other Poison lyrics. So this is not the only violator, but it irritates me just the same.)
The track What I Got is tolerable (as far as lyrics go), but it features Bret trying to rap. Let’s get something straight – I fully believe that white guys should not rap. (Yes, Eminem, Vanilla Ice and Kid Rock, I’m talking to you!) Especially white blond guys (again, Vanilla Ice, I’m talking to you). What’s even worse, the beginning of the song is someone, and I can only assume it’s Bret, who is beat-boxing. Umm, no. Run away. Run far, far away.
Oh, okay, and now onto my biggest pet peeve – Nothing to Lose. First, there are two versions. One of Bret by himself, and one where he sings with someone else, which is one of those sad ploys to add more tracks to a CD without adding content (hey, Bon Jovi, you did the same thing with You Can’t Go Home, so don’t think you’re free and clear from my wrath). That’s not my biggest problem with it. Nope. Not by a long shot.
My problem is that the duet version is with Miley Cyrus. (The only way, and I mean the only way, it could be worse is if it was a duet with LeAnn Rimes. Hey, Bon Jovi, you hear me?) I mean, I can tolerate Miley’s voice if I have to, but the song is very … ummm … yeah, you get where I’m going. To duet it with a 17-year-old Disney starlet? That’s just gross. Come on. I mean, yeah, I know she’s a slut and all, but still. The image is just wrong.
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