Don’t ask me why, but the Klondike bar commercial has been running through my head for the last 20 minutes.
Made me think back to how dumb some people are. I mean, sure, I’d bark like a dog for a free Klondike bar. Who wouldn’t? But stand naked in front of 300 people harping like a seal, standing on one foot, while cutting someone else’s hair? Not on your life. Shoot, I don’t even know that you could convince this tone-deaf woman to belt out the jingle all off-key to get one. That’s just crazy talk. I like my ice cream as much as the next guy (in come cases more), but there comes a point where I’ll plunk down the $3 for six of the wonderful ice creamy-goodness as opposed to embarrassing myself. Which is why, in reality, that jingle was kind of stupid.
Let’s look into other ones…
“Food, folks and fun”
Good ol’ McDonald’s. Okay, I think you can loosely call what you get at McDonald’s food, so we’ll begrudgingly give them that one. Folks, well, okay, there are folks there – though some might question just how all there they might be. Fun, that one’s a stretch. Without a play area it’s not fun at all. With a play area and too many kids, it’s not fun at all. With a play area and a parent who tells you no, it’s not fun at all. With a play area and a couple bigger kids who got their kicks out of spending time hiding in the ball pit for unsuspecting little kids to land on them so they could jump up and scare the bejesus out of said little kids, it’s not fun – for the little kids. A ton of fun for the big kids. Until the parents of the little kids threw them out. Killjoys. Given the fact there are far more scenarios for no fun over the scenarios for fun, we’re going to have to call this one busted. There is no truth in advertising here.
“Have it your way, right away”
Really, have you ever really had someone at Burger King smile at you when you ordered it your way? I don’t think so. Plus, nine times out of ten they get it wrong anyway – even when they took their time about it. I mean, I’ll handle “not so right away” in order to get it my way correctly, but most of the time you can’t get either. Burger King either needs a new marketing team or they need to re-invest marketing dollars into employee training.
“It’s not fast food, it’s Wendy’s.”
Since when is Wendy’s not fast food? Ergo, this is a big, fat fail because it’s a bold-faced lie. It is fast food because it’s Wendy’s. Poor Dave Thomas is spinning in his grave right now. (And might I add, they abandoned that one pretty quickly. Probably because people pointed out the mind-numbing, head-spinning stupidity those six words produced.)
“Where kids area big deal”
Okay, so, seriously, as an adult, finding someone to help at Toys R Us has been a challenge – I can’t even imagine a four-year-old trying to track someone down for help. Being that this is where kids are a big deal, the employees should make a big deal over them, but they instead, spend their time avoiding them and cursing them when they knock over a display of stuffed animals. (To be fair, I have encountered one Toys R Us employee who was absolutely great. But given the number of employees in the store, and the number of times I’ve been there, that might as well count for nilch.)
I contend that “Where a kid can be a kid” is so much cooler. The problem being, I’m sure they had to change it because parents were dropping their kids off at Toys R Us to just be kids, and the store suffered as a result. “But Mom, it said I can be a kid, so I broke it. Cause that’s what kids do.”
“Eat mor chikin”
Genius Chick-Fil-A. I mean, using cows to hock chicken is genius in and of itself, but to spell it wrong? Talk about an attention-getter. However – the ultimate problem here is that the spokescows are dairy cows, not beef cows. Dairy cows shouldn’t really care about anything, they are good as long as they produce milk. So, really, the spokescows shouldn’t be the black and white Holsteins, but rather Angus or Guernseys, but, well, only the geeky daughter of a woman who grew up on a dairy farm would a) notice and b) care about that.
“G double-o d, good.”
KFC’s new slogan is enough to make me want to scream. First of all, it sounds like a freakin’ boy band. Come on, didn’t we realize that was a fad that could die a quick death about seven years ago? (Rascal Flatts, a little slow on the uptake, please take notice.) I mean, no need to resurrect it in a KFC commercial.
Singing aside, let’s address the meat of the jingle (pun intended). G double-o d, good. Really? There is nothing g double-o d, good at KFC. Far less something so good that I want to sing about it. Unless we’re talking g-r-o double-s, gross. (Unfortunately that doesn’t flow. Might explain why they went with good instead of gross for the jingle.) Oh, and were they explicitly using “double-o” to make reference to the Double-Down, which is seriously one of the most disgusting things I think I’ve ever seen. Atkins-friendly, yes it is. Widow-making, yes it is. Eww.
Oh, and don’t get me started on the Blue Bell ice cream song. If you haven’t heard it, consider yourself lucky. Trust me, hearing that jingle makes me want to go out and buy some Breyers just to put Blue Bell out of business so I don’t have to hear that jingle again.
Now, I’m not all anti-jingle. I still love “The Freshmaker,” even though Mentos is hardly a freshmaker. That would be some ninth-grade pimple-faced kid who is desperate to get to second base before summer vacation starts.
I know I missed some, so feel free to leave a comment to add to either list. :)
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