By Request - All children must be leashed for your safety

 

The topic du jour – kids on leashes. Thanks Jeanette.

I will never forget that my aunt and uncle, God love them, kept my cousin (who is three years younger than me) on a leash. I remember asking my mom about that and she just shrugged her shoulders and said some people, namely my uncle, were overly paranoid. I mean, shoot, if anyone took Heather, they’d be paging my aunt and uncle to come take her back within minutes, so the leash wasn’t really a necessity. (Ransom of Red Chief anyone? I’m kidding, I love you, Heather.)

Really, though, do we need to treat our kids as dogs? I get that some of us, myself included, treat our dogs as kids – but there’s a point where that stops too. The reverse though, really? What next? Do we just skip the sippy cup in the living room and expect them to lap water out of a bowl if they are thirsty? No more crib for you, nope, you get an old towel/blanket in a box. Oh, you’re hungry? Just chew on some rawhide. Forget the privacy fence, let’s just go with the electric fence – tell everyone it’s a fashion statement, not a shock collar.

Can you imagine the new outlet this opens for teenage business though? Forget the dog walker and babysitter jobs. You can combine the two, and just walk all the children and their dogs in the neighborhood at once. Note: Parents must provide leash. 

Now, let’s be honest, why do people put their kids on leashes? Because they are too selfish to go out in public and expect to have to pay attention to anything but what they want. “No, (insert shopping buddy’s name here), we can totally go look at the dresses in (insert store here), the kid won’t get in the way, I’ve got her on a leash. If there’s something breakable, I’ll just shorten it.”

Do I know how unruly a toddler can be in a store or other public locale? Yes, yes I do. All too well. Have I chased her down the aisles at the grocery store or down the sidewalk on our way to Mama’s house? Yes, yes I have. Have I ever just wanted to pull my hair out because she wouldn’t just sit the hell down? Yes, yes I have. Have I ever considered putting her on a leash because of it? Nope, not on your life.

Do I understand why people do it? Yes, I do. Do I approve? No, I don’t. I just feel there are ways to keep your toddler from running off without leashes. I mean, they’ve got hands, right? Oh, and you know those baby pictures that you never want to see the light of day? I would be willing to bet one of those would be a kid on a leash. I mean, come on, give your son’s new girlfriend that picture and he’s bound to be kept on a short leash in that relationship. “Come on, honey, you should be used to this by now. You didn’t have freedom as a kid, why would I let you have any now?”

Toddlers are naturally inquisitive. That’s what makes them toddlers. *WARNING – Psychological content* This stage of development is so important, it’s where they learn about the world in which they live and they test boundaries. It’s natural, it’s expected, it’s necessary. How can they test boundaries when they are unable to reach them? You are depriving your child of an incredible part of their development. How dare you.

Besides, my kid is smart enough to figure out that all she has to do is run around my feet a couple times to get me tangled up enough to trip, drop the leash, and she’s free. I’m on the ground, probably bleeding or with bones protruding (both of which would slow down the subsequent pursuit). She’s damn proud of herself, and off and running. It’s really just safer for everyone involved, especially me, to skip the leash.