I am greatly disturbed by professional eating competitions. I mean, how is it fair that “The Black Widow” weighs 105 pounds and can out-eat anyone else on this planet – but yet I weigh ... well, let's not go there... and can’t seem to lose any when I don’t hardly eat at all compared to her? Where’s the justice in this world?
Furthermore, I am even more disturbed by the fact there is an entire league, Major League Eating (MLE) devoted to this. They are the morons who hold the crazy contests. I mean, really? We need an entire governing body to sanction people shoving foods full of nitrates and only-God-knows-what-else into their mouths?
The Black Widow won a buffalo wing eating contest, by shoveling 181 wings down her throat hole in 12 minutes. That’s almost 5 pounds of wings (4.86 pounds to be exact). That’s disgusting. Oh, and in the picture, of course she’s skinny as a rail – and she’s wearing jeans. She didn’t even wear sweatpants to this event. God I hate her.
You know else? She went out an hour later and ate 20 more, just because she said she was hungry.
What the hell? I don’t think she’s human.
Apparently she’s even set the world record for hard-boiled eggs, cheesecake and jalepeno peppers.
Can you imagine sitting in a job interview?
“So, what’s your greatest accomplishment?”
“Well, I shoveled 181 wings in my mouth in 12 minutes, setting a world record. I believe in going the distance, when the job needs to get done, you just do it.”
Damn the consequences.
Speaking of consequences, you never hear about the misery and pain they are in the next day. I’m sure, especially after 181 buffalo wings, one of two things happened: 1) someone had their stomach pumped that night or 2) someone spent the next two days in the bathroom. I’m just saying.
I have heard some crazy theories as to how they are able to perform these “amazing” feats. One chick (might even be The Black Widow), drinks an entire two-liter of Diet Coke beforehand to “stretch out her stomach.” Okay. Then there’s the hot dog trick, dousing the buns in water to help them go down easier – umm, eww. Apparently The Black Widow won the wing-eating contest by letting her fingers do most of the work for her, she said if she chews she actually slows down, so she breaks the food down with her hands as much as possible before putting it in her mouth.
Yum!
I’ve often said this about crazy Weight Watchers people – when your food becomes nothing but a number, then you aren’t living anymore. Food is necessary, but you should also enjoy what you’re eating. It can’t be when it’s nothing more than “what can I put in my body with as few points as possible?” This is just the exact opposite – how much can I put in my body without going into cardiac arrest? Either way, it’s still nothing more than a number. And you can’t tell me when people are shoving the equivalent to 15 chicken wings a minute, or water-drenched hot dog buns, in their mouths that they are enjoying it. (God, the idea of water-drenched bread is enough to make me want to hurl. Excuse me for a minute.)
Now, I know there are those like eight-pound burgers that, if you can eat the whole thing in an hour, and not hurl, you get it for free. I know a handful of people who have even given those types of challenges a go. Whereas I’d just assume plunk down $6 for a burger than try to kill myself to get it for free, I can appreciate the spirit in my friends. But they also don’t do this to themselves all the time. With the world, and Guiness, watching. So they are just a little crazy – as opposed to the full-blown mentally warped that these people, these “professional eaters” are. (Shoot, if they weren’t crazy, they wouldn’t be my friends, so you can’t hold that against them.)
All morning long I’ve been debating getting a Hershey bar out of the vending machine downstairs. Kept telling myself I didn’t need it. But hey, it’s not like I’m shoveling hundreds of them down my throat (today, anyway), so I figure I’m good. Right?
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Oh, and in answer to the question, I eat 0. Can't stand buffalo wings. 1) Too much work for not a lot of food - I don't even eat chicken breast on the bone, I sure as hell am not working like hell for those. 2) Buffalo sauce is vile. I can't even stand the smell of it. If I'm with you and you get wings, you best be believing you're brushing your teeth immediately upon finishing your meal, or the conversation is over before it even begins.
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