Snooki is as Snooki does

Snooki Upset She Has Seven-Year-Old Fans, Says 'The Situation' Can't Dance

Let me start by saying I do not watch Jersey Shore. I have not, nor will I ever. The extent of what I know about this chick is what I see splashed across Google News like I give a damn, which I don’t. However, I saw this headline and had to read the accompanying story. I mean, as a mom of a two-year-old girl, I know the time will come when she wants to be like some punk-ass on TV and I’ll have to diffuse it. Why not start brushing up on my homework now? But this – she is white trash at its finest.

"Jersey Shore" star Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi is enjoying her time in the spotlight, but in the wake of her recent arrest for disorderly conduct, the 22-year-old wants to make it clear that she has no intention of being a role model for young girls.
Nope, not young girls. But definitely the 18-24-year-old set who aspires to be a floozy. She’s got that market cornered.

"I'm not trying to be a role model.”
Thank you Captain Obvious.

“… I'm just trying to be myself.”
God, if I were you, I’d desperately try to be someone, anyone else.

“… When I see seven-year-olds screaming my name and saying they're my biggest fan, I'm like ‘you shouldn't be watching my show!’ My show is for 16 and older,” Snooki told Pop Tarts at an InTouch party. “We're at a shore house, we're drinking and partying, we're hooking up – pretty much what young adults do. For seven-year-olds to watch that, I really don't think it is okay."
Wow, where do I start with this one?

1. Yeah, well, they scream they are Justin Bieber’s biggest fan too, so don’t flatter yourself.
2. Her show is for 16 and older? Who is she to judge? I mean, I personally don’t think it should be watched by anyone, regardless of age, but still.
3. Pretty much what young adults do? Really? I was one once, and I don’t remember getting arrested for disorderly conduct and public intoxication. Wow, I must’ve missed that memo. Damn, a childhood wasted.
4. She doesn’t really think it’s okay? Well, glad to know your stance on parenting. Dr. Spock, move over, because Snooki’s the new sheriff in town.
5. As far as seven-year-olds watching it – you don’t want to get me started on parents who let the TV babysit/raise their children. That’s another issue for another place and time.

Another thing that's not okay? Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino on a dance floor. Snooki doesn’t think her partner in slime will fare too well as a contestant on “Dancing With the Stars.”
"I feel bad for him, he can't dance. He'll humiliate himself,” she said. “He can't even do a fist pump correctly, so I don't even know what he's doing.”
Methinks someone is jealous her sleazeball self didn’t get to join the cast of Dancing with the Has Beens.

Oh, and fist pump? Really? I bet he can’t do a fist bump either. But I digress.

And perhaps the real reason the reality television sensation rejected the recent marriage proposal from new boyfriend Jeff Miranda was because he just doesn’t fit the criterion of her “dream man.”
Yeah, let’s question the mental capacity of that guy? Who the hell would want to wake up next to that every morning? If I had a single conversation with her I’d probably consider shooting myself at least three times, if not more, I can’t imagine someone willingly offering the rest of his life to her. Run dude, run.

"It would be Vin Diesel with Robert De Niro's accent,” Snooki laughed.
Eww. Perhaps when she finds him he’ll make her an offer she can’t refuse. Okay, so who’s placing bets – will she wake up with a horse head in her bed, or will she wake up with concrete shoes staring at the fishies?

We were also surprised to find out there's more to Miss Polizzi than binge drinking, tanning and poufy hair.

I think all of America is surprised by that too.

Snooki urges all Americans to do more for those deeply affected by the events of September 11.
Like burn Korans?

Okay, it was mean, and way more ignorant than I would like to admit, but seriously, like you didn’t think it too.

“My dad is firefighter, and when that happened, all the firefighters and NYPD, all the victims - it just broke my heart. I thought about my dad, and if he was in that building ... we should do more,” Snooki said. “I think that at every anniversary everybody should donate and do something for the families and remember the people who died."
Someone’s got a good PR person. That was so written for her (though she did manage to put her own moronic spin on it, come on “and when that happened, all the firefighters and NYPD, all the victims – it just broke my heart” – that’s nowhere near coherent). I’m just saying.

Ohhhhh, and, Snooki, my dear, what did you donate and do for the families of people who died on the anniversary last Saturday? Oh, yeah, missed that, didn’t you? Whoops.

What a shame the cast of "Jersey Shore" can't meet this
wonderful creature.