Goat That Killed Wash. Hiker Known as Aggressive
A mountain goat that fatally gored a hiker, then stood over the man and stared at people trying to help, had shown aggressive behavior in the past, Olympic National Park officials said Monday.
First of all, let's start with the fact this hiker was fatally gored by a goat. A goat. You know, a goat, like in three billy goats gruff - the NURSERY rhyme. You don't hear nursery rhymes about killer whales. I'm just saying.
Now, as far as the "showing aggressive behavior" in the past thing - did they know for sure it was the same goat? I mean, in a state park, unless there's only one goat, how can they definitively say that? Seriously, innocent until proven guilty in America!
Park rangers later found the goat, observed blood on it and shot the animal.
What? Observed blood on the goat. Well, maybe the goat just ate lunch. Maybe it was ketchup, cause, you know, it just ate lunch. Maybe it just gored another goat and it was goat blood. You never know, man.
Park officials have posted signs at trailheads warning hikers to be watchful of all goats and to stay at least 100 feet from the animals. Hikers are also warned not to urinate on or near the trail, because goats are attracted to the salt.
Hahahahahahahaha, if I saw a sign that told me to beware of a goat, I wouldn't believe it either. It's just like those signs that say not to feed the deer. Yeah, yeah, but they are so cute, what's a piece of bread going to hurt, really? And in all honesty, it doesn't hurt the deer unless a) it gets so bloated on your sandwich leftovers that it can't outrun the hunter's bullet or b) it walks straight up to a hunter and stands there expecting a piece of bread, but instead get a slug between the eyes.
Yeah, I gotta laugh at the "don't urinate on or near the trail" thing. Isn't it supposed to be "whatever you carry in, you carry out with you"? Well, that's how the true hikers work, anyway. Believe me, though, if I have to go, I guarantee I won't be worried about attracting goats. (Sweat is salty too. I guess you shouldn't sweat while you're out on the trail because the goats might be attracted to your sweaty brow, right?)
Boardman was hiking with his wife, Susan Chadd, and their friend, Pat Willits, and had stopped for lunch at an overlook when the goat began acting aggressively toward them, the Peninsula Daily News reported.
Of course the goat acted aggressively. What they don't tell you is first the goat screamed, "Get in mah belly," and got pissed when the guy ignored him and kept eating his sandwich.
Seriously, moron, you deserved to die. If your two hiking buddies can escape, then you can too. You should have run like hell.
Wait, I got it. He should have pissed on the trail, the goat would have been attracted to the salt, and, lo, and behold - FREEDOM!
Hikers who came upon the group radioed for help. But it took nearly an hour before rescuers could reach Boardman because the goat stood over him as he lay motionless on the ground, according to the Seattle Times.
This is when you shoot the animal, you idiots. I mean, for the love of all things holy. It's a pretty big target, I don't think you'd really have to worry about hitting the guy (besides, he's dead on the ground anyway, what difference does it make if a stray bullet hits him).
She and her husband, Bill Baccus, a park scientist, tried to lure the goat away by pelting the animal with rocks, shouting at it and using a silver reflective blanket to distract it.
How is pelting it with rocks trying to "lure" it away? I would think that falls in the category of pissing it off and running the risk of getting themselves gored in the process. I'm starting to think this goat must have learned a few tricks from Yogi Bear, because he's definitely smarter than the average goat. No, wait, that's not it. These people are just dumber than everyone else.
About 300 goats graze the park's alpine meadows and roam its rocky peaks. The animals are not native to the park and were introduced in the 1920s, before the park was established.
The animals aren't native to the park. Well, no wonder they are killing people. They are pissed off, and taking it out on native hikers. Think about it - if your parents forced you to move to a god-awful place, wouldn't you live in a perpetual state of pissed off? Multiply that by about 10,000 times and you get animals that are forced to move to a god-awful place by someone in a DIFFERENT SPECIES! Yeah, it's a hatred that has spawned and evolved for 90 years. I'm just surprised it hasn't come to this before now.
Wild animals are unpredictable, and thus dangerous.
Yeah, well, tell us something we don't know Captain Obvious.
It's a shame that goat was killed - they really should have captured it and shipped it out to Vancouver to play a round of laser tag with Justin Bieber.
No comments:
Post a Comment