If you’ve been around me lately, you know I’ve turned into a texting freak. However, if you’re on the receiving end of those texts, you know I still believe in real words and grammar rules. Texting speech just sucks, and I refused to reduce myself to it. In today’s post you’ll see just a few of many examples why (beyond the obvious fact that my journalism professors would revoke my degree if I was caught texting crap like that outlined below).
Note: This list is by no means exhaustive, just some of the more irritating ones I found in the 46 pages of chat/text lingo in my research for this. (Yes, I actually did research for this post. Scary, huh?)
To make this a little easier, I’ve grouped some of these together … because some fall victim to the same problem, but it was impossible for me to choose just one to exemplify.
Where did that come from?
What do I mean by this? There are just a few of these that make you wonder where the correlation is, or, better yet, why someone felt it was necessary to come up with a shorthand for it because they will use it multiple times.
- 1174: Nude club
I don’t get it. Someone enlighten me. - ROR: Raffing out roud (laughing out loud in Scooby Doo dialect)
Do you really need me to explain why I’m baffled by this?
Why bother?
These are some that I saw that just didn’t make sense to me, either because there’s no need to text it, or because it just does not work in the context of a text/chat conversation.
- 2BZ4UQTT: Too busy for you, Cutey
Really? Is this necessary? Ignoring the text works just as well, and requires less time and work. - LMOA: Left message on answering machine
Here’s a hint, if you’re sending this message to someone, it’s on their cell phone. So why didn’t you just call their cell? - RMLB: Read my lips, Baby
Umm, yeah, text (or chat), all you’re doing is reading text. Irritating shorthand text, at that. There are no lips to read. So, yeah, pointless. This phrase only works in face-to-face conversation. - TTTHTFAL: Talk to the hand, the face ain’t listening
See RMLB. There is no hand to which to speak. Another one that only works in face-to-face conversation. - SWALBCAKWS: Sealed with a lick because a kiss won’t stick
I actually love this phrase. Truly. I wonder where it was when I was a kid sending all those sappy S.W.A.K. letters to my long-distance boyfriend. However, what the hell are you sealing in a text, IM, chat, or even e-mail? There is no sealing anything in an electronic transmission. Period. Does not compute.
Irony
If you don’t get this grouping then, well, I must kick you off my blog now.
- AAAAA: American Association Against Acronym Abuse
- AFZ: Acronym Free Zone
Phrases
Perhaps I’m naïve, but I was unaware of the regular use of some of the following phrases in normal conversation, let alone text conversation. For some, well, yeah, I’ve never heard the phrase before and am baffled by the fact there’s an underground culture that uses them regularly enough to be part of a lingo dictionary reference page.
- ABITHIWTITB: A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush
How often are you going to use this phrase in a text, I mean, really? Furthermore, the time it would take me to work out the letters, I could just as easily type out the whole damn thing. - GSYJDWURMNKH: Good seeing you, just don’t wear your monkey hat
Huh? Where do you get said monkey hat? I know plenty of people who would want one. - IWBAPTAKYAIYSTA: I will buy a plane ticket and kick your ass if you say that again
This one seems a bit over-the-top. First of all, at this point, you’re just begging for an excessive use of copy/paste on the other side of your conversation. Furthermore, do you need to buy a plane ticket? Because we have all heard stories of people texting from across the room. Plus, back to the issue I keep raising: is this so common that we need a well-known acronym for it? - IITYWIMWYBMAD: If I tell you what it means, will you buy me a drink?
You know, this one isn’t so bad, cryptic come-on lines are almost always effective. (Trust me, I know.) However, this one isn’t so much cryptic as altering the order of events. If you’re in a bar, the traditional approach is to buy a girl a drink and then get her number. In this instance you must get her a number before offering said drink. Seems like a set-up for failure to me.
Possible confusion
There are a few acronyms that can mean multiple different things. Whereas you can usually figure it out, there are a few that the irony between their meanings is just too good to not share.
- QFT: Quoted for truth OR Quit fucking talking
Yeah, I can see where this one can cause some problems. (Side note: if any of you refer to my blog as QFT, I will take it as the former and not the latter. Surely you wouldn’t want me to stop, would you????) - BIL: Brother-in-law OR Boss is listening
Not as dramatic a difference as the one mentioned above, but still can lead to some possible confusion. As an aside, why would Boss is listening be an issue since if you’re texting, IMing or chatting, all he can hear is you tapping away on your keyboard? Hmm, someone didn’t think that one through. - BYOW: Build your own website OR Bring your own wine
This conversation could go an interesting direction if you are informing someone to bring their own wine to your party, but they read that they need to build a website and invite everyone to it. Can you say Bogey Lowenstein’s party in 10 Things I Hate About You? - IHTFP: I have truly found paradise OR I hate this fucking place
Perhaps my favorite in the confusion realm. No more needs to be said.
Genius
These are just a couple I thought were actually quite effective to get their points across.
- FUJIMO: Fuck you Jack, I’m moving on
AWESOME break up text. Fantastic. It does make you wonder if that’s how Joe Jonas chose to break up with Taylor Swift. (If you don’t get that reference, don’t worry. It’s okay. Read a little more US Weekly and People Magazine and you’ll be okay.) - 404: I haven't a clue
Geek humor at its finest. If you don't get it, my point was just made.
I love you
This one baffled me a little bit. I was unaware there were sooooo many different ways to text “I love you.” In my little world, I knew about “I love you” and I even knew about “143” but the rest of these were a little new to me, and this list is not exhaustive either.
143, 459, 831, ILY, ILU, LY
Personally, I like the simplicity of the geek heart to say it all. <3 Nothing says, “I love you,” particularly to a person who shares your love of technical communication, more than a heart emoticon, right?
<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
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