Say it ain’t so, Bret!

The rumor mill is a-buzzing with the rumors that the reason Billy Ray Cyrus and his exceptionally-fake wife, Tish, split up are because she had an affair with Bret Michaels.

First, I must ask: what the hell kind of name is Tish, anyway? Actually, it’s short for Laeticia, so then I contend, what the hell kind of name is Laeticia?

Okay, according to this incredibly short story, “a rep for Michaels claims the allegations are untrue, saying “There has never been an affair or a fling.” Oh yeah, cause we were expecting something otherwise to come out of his rep’s mouth. But I must say, I do think that statement calms my fears – surely he didn’t go after Miley’s momma. The only way that would be worse is if he went after Miley herself.

Apparently Bret (you know you love how I refer to him by first name, like I know him personally) got close to the family when he and Miley did a duet for his new album. I have my own opinions about that duet – and in case you missed them, feel free to check out my review of that album.

Okay, I don’t doubt that he got close to the family, I can see that happening. Though, I’ve got to say, it does seem a bit coincidence to find out about this “supposed” affair and the timing of his brain hemorrhage – quite close in the grand scheme of things. Could Tish Cyrus be the cause of his health problems? Given that, it could only be fair that he be the reason her marriage is over – an eye for an eye and all.

But I prefer to think that Bret didn’t go after Miley’s momma. In fact, I’d like to forget about that damn Bret/Miley duet altogether, like it didn’t happen – so obviously if it didn’t happen, there’s no way this alleged affair could have happened. 

Whew, I feel better. (Shut up, it’s my delusional world, I don’t have to grant you admission.)

Now, let’s just throw a couple things out there that might have contributed to the end of Tish and Billy Ray’s marriage…

1. She’s married to Billy Ray. Enough said.
2. His focus is on Miley’s career. And playing her dad (*gasp* what a stretch) on Hanna Montana. I’m totally sure his attention hasn’t been on Tish in some time. No wonder she went out looking for love in other places. (Yes, apparently the affair between her and Bret that I refuse to admit happening wasn’t her only act of infidelity.)
3. How many references to “Achy Breaky Heart” can you handle before you just want to cut all ties and move on?
4. She’s married to Billy Ray.

On a more random Billy Ray note...
Has anyone noticed Billy Ray’s transformation from the mullet-sporting-high top-sneaker-wearing-white-boy-dancing self in the Achy Breaky video to what he is now is somewhat weird? It’s like he’s trying to be Keith Urban. I mean, I love me some Keith (please, don’t tell me he had an affair with Tish Cyrus – it’s hard enough for me to accept he’s married to Nicole Kidman), but I can’t handle this trying to be him. He’s hot and all, but doesn’t need little Keith-clones running around Nashville. Next thing you know, Billy Ray’s going to give up the southern accent and adopt an Australian one.

Crazy pop-culture fix met. I can move onto more interesting stuff now...