A man who was at an illegal cockfight in central California died after being stabbed in the leg by a bird that had a knife attached to its own limb, officials confirmed Monday.
Okay, really? Really? I’ve seen those scrawny-ass legs chickens walk around on – I want to know how a chicken was able to walk with a knife of that caliber attached to it.
Jose Luis Ochoa, 35, of Lamont, California, was declared dead at a hospital about two hours after he was injured in neighboring Tulare County on Jan. 30, the Kern County coroner said.
Really, two hours after he was stabbed. So, uh, yeah, did blood gushing out of your leg for over an hour not give you an indication something was wrong?
An autopsy concluded Ochoa died of an accidental "sharp force injury" to his right calf.
Sheriff's spokesman Ray Pruitt said it was unclear if a delay in seeking medical attention contributed to Ochoa's death.
“Accidental sharp force injury?” No, no, no. Cause of death is stupidity.
He was at a cockfight for one. He let a chicken with a knife attached to its leg get close enough to him to stab him. He figured "tis only a flesh wound."
Sure thing – guess what, Mercutio died too, genius.
"I have never seen this type of incident," Sgt. Martin King, a 24-year veteran of the sheriff's department, told the Bakersfield Californian.
You think? No one has, that’s why it’s so freakin’ funny.
Ochoa and the other spectators fled when authorities arrived at the scene of the fight, King told the newspaper. Deputies found five dead roosters and other evidence of cockfighting at the location, he said.
What kind of evidence do you need to find other than dead roosters to know there was cockfighting going on? A ring? A chicken walking around holding up a “Round 1” sign?
I really want to know what happened to the rooster with the knife attached to its leg. I mean, was it one of the five dead roosters? Did a spectator grab the rooster and run off with it? (They were smart enough to avoid its weapon-laden limb, if that’s the case.)
If old dude was dead when he got to the hospital, how did anyone know it had to do with a chicken brandishing cutlery? Something’s missing here.
No arrests were made at the cockfight.
Uh, yeah, no duh. Because when the cops got there, the cockfight had broken up and Ochoa was leaving a trail of blood for the cops to find.Who were they going to arrest, the armed chicken?
"Calling all units. A chicken is on the loose and is armed and dangerous."
Oh yeah, there’s another one – if they all fled, and he was stabbed in the calf, wouldn’t there have been a trail of blood for the cops to follow? I mean, I’m not a medical expert, but a gash that killed him two hours later had to be a pretty big one.
Cockfighting is a sport, illegal in the United States, in which specially bred roosters are put into a ring and encouraged to fight until one is incapacitated or killed.
Wow, I had no idea. I'm so glad this news story exists so I could find that out.
According to Kern County Superior Court records, Ochoa paid $370 in fines last year after pleading no contest to one count of owning or training an animal for fighting, according to the newspaper.
Alright here, genius, you already go busted for owning or training an animal to fight, but you couldn’t walk away from the cockfighting could you? Karma’s a bitch, ain’t it?
*Insert obvious dig against Michael Vick here*
Attending or organizing a cockfight, or training an animal to participate in one, are all misdemeanors under California law, although a second offense is a felony.
Yeah, well, if you ask me, I think justice was served at the hands of the chicken! Who needs the criminal justice system when you have fowl with weapons?
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