Which do we love more - stupid robbers or stupid reporters? This gives us both!!!

Would-be robbers end up losing money as stickup goes wrong

Two men Thursday used an unloaded revolver to try to rob a Northland gun store, even though the clerk wore a shoulder holster with a semiautomatic handgun in plain view.
Honestly, is anyone surprised the clerk of a gun store carried? I don’t know why this is the lead of the story.

Not surprisingly, the holdup failed miserably. In fact, the robbers lost $40.
Robbery fail.

Come on, it’s sort of surprising. Haven’t you seen The Chase? Charlie Sheen held up a convenience store with a Butterfinger.

They could have lost more, said the 65-year-old clerk, who didn’t want his name published.
Okay, really, I don’t understand. We know EXACTLY where the gun shop is. We know the age of the clerk. And we know he openly carries. It’s not hard to figure out who he is. Why is he withholding his name?

Elitist reporter note: Okay, even for the shitty-ass student paper on campus, they wouldn’t let me run a story with a source who wouldn’t let his name being used. So, if this paper that has very few journalistic standards actually held to that, I find it mortifying a “real” paper won’t do the same. Anonymous sources only lead to trouble.

“I wear this gun like this, hoping it will be a deterrent,” the clerk said Friday. “But he (the gunman) basically made his own decision to take the chance of dying — and he just about did.”
Hey, genius, most people who carry guns, especially openly, do so as a deterrent. You’re not a ground-breaker. Stop thinking you are. I hate people who think they are special when they’re not.

 It all started about 2 p.m. when one of the robbers came into Guns Unlimited, 8113 N. Oak Trafficway, and asked for a box of .357 Magnum ammunition. The clerk told him it would cost about $50. The man, who looked to be in his 20s, said he needed to get more money and left.
Amateur.

Just before 5 p.m., he returned with a partner and said he wanted to buy the ammunition. The clerk looked at his identification to check his age, rang up the sale and told the man he owed $50.19. The man slid two $20 bills onto the counter.
Alright, come on, three hours ago the clerk told you it was going to be “about $50.” Forty dollars is not “about $50.” Hey, clerk, this should have been your second clue that he was just a couple bullets short of a full-clip.

“You’re $10.19 short,” the clerk said.
Yay, you can do math!

Elitist reporter note: Why the hell does this need to be in the story? I mean, come on, anyone over the age of six can do this math. It’s not really necessary, it just proves you were desperately trying to meet space requirements. It’s shoddy reporting.

The man pulled a blue .357 revolver with a 4-inch barrel from his waistband, pointed it at the clerk and said, “Give me your money!”
He pulled a .357 from his waistband? Are you sure it wasn’t Plaxico Burress?

Why didn't he just demand the ammo?

The clerk had practiced for just such an occasion. He was ready.
Grammar Nazi note: Was it really necessary to make this two sentences? How about “The clerk was ready for just such an occasion.”

Elitist reporter note: Yeah, the sentence would work so much better with A NAME!!!

He zeroed in on the robber’s cylinder and saw it was empty as he reached for his own gun and pulled it from its holster.
Of course it was empty, he came in asking for ammo. Duh.

“His eyes got as big as two dinner plates,” the clerk said. “Before I got mine pointed at him, he ran to the door at, like, 95 mph. I’m surprised he didn’t bust the glass out of the door.”
Seriously, this robber is a huge moron. If you pull a gun on ANYONE (and I mean ANYONE) who is openly carrying, expect to have a gun pulled on you in return.

The clerk, who had started to squeeze his trigger, relaxed his finger as the robbers fled, leaving behind the two $20 bills.
Grammar Nazi note: The “had” is NOT NECESSARY. Can you tell this is a pet peeve?

Well, of course he relaxed his finger as the robbers fled, because there were no gunshots fired. Duh.

“I was going to shoot him,” the clerk said. “Everything that could have gone wrong could have, but didn’t.”
Elitist reporter note: O.M.G. Did you really just print the dumbest quote out of this man’s mouth in your story????? “Everything that could have gone wrong could have …” Well, no shit, Sherlock. I’m sure the guy gave you other quotes.

Elitist reporter note, part deux: And honestly, why is the clerk the only person you’ve quoted in this story? Why not a cop? Why not the owner of the gun shop? Were there any other patrons around that saw these morons? You are running idiotic quotes and filler because you are too lazy to get quotes from other people.

The robbers were last seen running south.
Ah, so someone did see them. See, someone you could have interviewed
.
Police confiscated the abandoned $20 bills as evidence, but the clerk said he would like to get them back when police are finished them.
Not bloody likely. The police who confiscated the abandoned $20 bills put them in their pockets as soon as they were out of site.

He thinks he deserves them.
You deserve them? Are you going to claim PTSD for this incident too?