Tennessee Woman Arrested After Child Found Lying Side Of Kentucky InterstateLet's start out by talking about the headline, shall we?
Tennessee Woman Arrested After Child Found Lying Side Of Kentucky Interstate – really??? So, a woman from Tennessee was arrested after a child found out which side of the interstate was lying to it? Honestly, since when do interstates lie? (Sometimes the signs do, but that’s a whole separate issue.) And wait, doesn’t that imply there’s only one interstate in belonging to Kentucky? I think not.
Perhaps, and I’m just guessing here, but maybe, just maybe, they meant Tennessee Woman Arrested After Child Found Lying on the Side of a Kentucky Interstate.
And let’s have a talk about initial caps for a minute. I learned long ago, like when I was in the first grade, that, in titles, we capitalize every word except those that are three letters or fewer. (Yes, fewer. The checkout lines at Kroger have it all wrong.) Which means “of” should not be capitalized, and neither should “the” and the “a” in my edited version.
A Tennessee woman was arrested Monday night after police say one of her two children was found lying on the side of I-24 in Marshall County.
Passive tense, oh how I loathe thee. I got yelled at for it, and now I’ll yell about it. Why not?
“Police arrested a Tennessee woman Monday night after one of her two children was found lying on the side of I-24 in Marshall County.”
Really, was that so hard? If we want to get technical “one of her two children” is really extraneous, we could very easily say “one of her children” without losing anything. It’s not like the fact she has two brats has any bearing on the fact she’s a freaking moron. Either way, one of her offspring was lying on the side of the road, it doesn’t matter if she has two or 10.
The incident happened at about 10:30 p.m.
How about “around 10:30 p.m.” instead of “at about 10:30 p.m.” I really don’t think I’m asking for a lot here.
KSP troopers and Marshall County authorities responded to the westbound lanes of I-24 near the 24 mile marker after a motorist saw two small children in the roadway.
Journalism 101 note – SPELL OUT ALL ACRONYMS ON FIRST REFERENCE. (Let alone the fact it’s at the beginning of a sentence and looks weird.) “Kentucky State Patrol (KSP) troopers…”
Don’t they usually refer to them as “mile marker 24” as opposed to “the 24 mile marker?” Eh, what do I know?
Upon arrival, police found a two-year-old child lying on the inside edge of the westbound lanes of the interstate. The child had a large laceration to back of the head. Officers also located a woman walking east in the median carrying another small child. The woman was identified as the two children's mother.
I can let the first two sentences slide, though, I admit, I definitely would have worded them differently if it were my story.
Now, I don’t understand why they had to drag this out, it’s not like we’re trying to write a suspense novel here. “The police found the child’s mother walking east in the median carrying another small child.”
Police investigation revealed that 29-year-old, Cynthia Palmer, was traveling from Fort Campbell, TN with her two children. Palmer stated to police that she had been snorting bath salts and began to hallucinate while driving.
“Palmer stated to police that she had been …” AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
Palmer told police she snorted bath salts which led to hallucinations while driving. Doesn’t that work so much better, putting everything in the past tense?
Palmer's hallucinations prompted her to stop her vehicle along the side of the interstate.
Well, you know, the best thing I can say about this moron (the chick in the story, not the person who wrote it – for once) is at least she stopped driving.
Palmer retrieved her two small children from the vehicle and began to carry them across the westbound lanes of Interstate 24.
WHAT?? She retrieved her two small children from the vehicle and began to carry them … she’s a golden retriever now? She began to carry them … did she finish? It said she began, but didn’t say anything about following through.
We referred to it as I-24 earlier, why is it all of the sudden Interstate 24? Shouldn't it have been Interstate 24 the first time, and I-24 this time?
Doesn't this flow so much better: Palmer took her two children out of the car and carried them across the westbound lanes of I-24.
Palmer stated that she dropped her two-year-old child on the roadway and left him. It is believed this is what caused the head injury to the child.
Do I really need to keep going as to what is wrong with this set of sentences, at least grammatically? You know, I really hate the “it is believed…”
Here’s my biggest issue. She stated, all of this is according to this woman who ADMITTED to hallucinating after snorting bath salts. How much validity are we going to give her? If you’re going to treat her as your only source, do the usual approach, “according to,” which doesn’t so much present as fact, but rather just their side of the story, or even just "said."
How about this, instead: Palmer said she dropped her two-year-old child on the roadway and left him. Police believe this was the cause of the child’s head injury.”
The two-year-old was transported to Kosair's Children's Hospital in Louisville due to the extent of his injuries. he five-year-old received no injuries and was taken into custody by Tennessee Social Services.
OhmyGodareyoufreakin’kiddingme??????
I’ll let the first one go, even if I don’t know that I would have worded that way. But dear God, the second sentence …
First of all, it’s missing a letter in the first word. And not just any letter, the capital letter, which denotes it as the start of the sentence.
Also, which five-year-old? I’m assuming (because I’m halfway intelligent) that is the other child in the story, but this child’s age was never given earlier. It’s not just any five-year-old, it’s this idiotic mother’s five-year-old.
Let’s move on … received no injuries. So, he didn’t receive any at that time. How about “had any injuries” because that, as you will find, was the key reason as to why this child did not go to the hospital.
Try this: Palmer’s other child, a five-year-old, had no injuries and was taken into custody by Tennessee Social Services.
I don’t even like that, but it’s infinitely better than the previous version.
Kentucky State Police arrested Palmer and charged her with first-degree assault, first-degree wanton endangerment, and public intoxication. She us being held in the Marshall County Jail.
OhmyGodareyoufreakin’kiddingmeAGAIN??????
“She us …” Did someone go a little pronoun-crazy?
Since when do we say someone is being held in a jail, I thought we always said “held at.”
How about this instead: “She is being held at the Marshall County Jail.”
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