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| Totally staged, but ... it works. |
JACKSON, Miss. — A Mississippi mother was arrested Wednesday in the death of her 3-year-old son after authorities said they found the child's burned body in an oven.
O.M.G. How on Earth do you do that? Is it like the I.G. Joe’s from Bill Engvall’s stand-up? “Get in there, no talky, no talky.” I can’t imagine a three-year-old going into the oven willingly. Then again, maybe he said he wanted to bake. So, she complied.
Washington County Coroner Methel Johnson said police found Tristan Robinson's body inside the electric oven at his mother's apartment shortly after midnight. Johnson said the child had been burned in the oven, but an autopsy was ordered to determine whether he died before or after being put there.
Yeah, that makes more sense. I’m sure he somehow died before he was put in the oven and tried to get rid of the body. Quick, someone call in Bones to figure this one out ASAP.
Side note, what the hell kind of name is Methel?
Greenville Police Chief Freddie Cannon said Terrie A. Robinson, 24, was charged with murder. She was to be arraigned Thursday in Greenville, a city of about 35,000 residents in the Mississippi Delta.
Come on, there’s a possibility she didn’t murder him. Oh wait, no, there’s really not. Or maybe the voices in her head told her to do it. Or one of the other personalities … and if that’s the case, she didn’t really do it.
Who cares about the size of the city and where it’s located?
It wasn't immediately clear if she had hired a lawyer.
Grammar Nazi note: Stop with the “had” already.
Who in their right mind is going to be charged with murder and not hire a lawyer? If she didn’t hire one, isn’t the court going to provide one for her? Who really wants to be stuck with this case, though? “You best get me off, or I’ll throw you in the oven too. This time I won’t get caught either.”
Johnson said the child's body was still warm when it was removed from the oven.
Well, no duh, it was the oven. Its entire job is to keep things warm. My question is, quite honestly, how much of the body was left?
"This is a really sad moment for me. I've seen a lot of things, but this is one that will stick in my memory for a long, long time," Johnson said.
Okay, yeah, you’re the coroner. You’ve seen a lot of “sad moments.” I’m sure many of them will stick in your memory for a long, long time. It’s a hazard of the job. However, all you have to do is call up J and I’m sure he’ll be more than willing to flashy-thing you to erase it.
There appeared to be some trauma to the boy's head, Johnson said, and that could have happened before he was placed in the oven.
That’s probably how she got him to stop fighting so she could shove him in the oven. Now, let’s be honest, we are 99.9% sure it happened before he was put in the oven. How could he have done that to himself? Banging his head on the side of the oven in frustration? Riiiiiight.
Officers found the body after responding to an emergency call, but the chief didn't want to release any details because of an ongoing investigation.
Let’s think about potential reasons for the emergency call … because you know the mom didn’t call saying, “hey, I just put my baby in the oven, come get me coppers!”
Neighbors called because they smelled burning flesh?
Maybe the neighbors heard her beating the crap out of someone and they feared a domestic violence incident?
Ohhh, maybe the kid’s sister called the cops. “Uhhh, my mom just baked my brother. Help.”
Johnson said a little girl found in the home was placed in the care of the Mississippi Department of Human Services.
Well, let’s look on the bright side, at least she wasn’t placed in the Mississippi Department of Human Services’ main office’s microwave or something.
Terrie Robinson's twin sister, Sherrie Robinson, told WXVT-TV that people should not judge her sister before all the facts are known.
Really, did you just move to the United States? We always judge immediately, particularly when something horrible happens. It’s fun. (It also make jury selection a bitch.)
"She was a great parent, a good person. We don't know what's wrong. We don't know what happened. Do not sit there and call her a bad mom cause that's not what she is," Sherrie Robinson told the TV station.
Let’s dissect this idiotic quote …
- “She was a great parent, a good person…” Was, past-tense? Yeah, she’s not anymore. Because you can’t ever accuse anyone who bakes their kid a great parent or a good person.
- “We don’t know what’s wrong.” Who cares, she put her kid in the oven.
- “We don’t know what happened.” Yes we do. She put her kid in the oven.
- “Don’t sit here and call her a bad mom cause that’s not what she is.” Umm, yeah, I will. Good moms bake cookies with their kids. They don’t bake their kids. Good moms kiss the boo-boos when they incur head trauma. They don’t cause head trauma. Good moms don’t get arrested and charged for murder of their own children.
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