No, no, really, you read that right. Keep reading.
Convinced that he was sharing a motel room with Satan, a man set his blankets ablaze in Lynnwood on Friday, according to what he told police.
Well, I have to admit, there are a lot of people I’d love to share a hotel room with (a hotel, not a motel … I DO. NOT. DO. MOTELS.) – but Satan is definitely not on that list. So I can’t say that I blame this guy for not wanting to share his room with Bealz, but honestly, couldn’t you just call in an exorcist or ask to be moved to another room? Those things would definitely cross my mind before, “Hey, let’s torch the place.”
Plus, come on dude, he lives in Hell. Fire doesn’t bother him.
Well, his first problem is that he’s been staying in a motel for about a month, his second being that it’s a Days Inn. A place like that is just screaming to be infested by rodents, annoying children, demons, or the Devil. I mean, it’s really no surprise.
Fire crews were called about 8:30 a.m. Friday when smoke began pouring out of the second floor room where the man was staying.
I should hope fire crews were called to handle the fire. Though, honestly, if there was a church nearby, they could have gotten the pastor to sprinkle holy water and scream “Be gone, Satan” and it would have worked the same.
The fire was contained to one room because of fire sprinklers, officials said. About six rooms were damaged in all, as well as guests' personal property.
Was the fire contained to one room because of fire sprinklers, or because the Devil was only out to drive this guy insane. Who knows? Was the personal property the guests’ Bibles, because then you’d know it was the Devil for sure!
You want to protect “the good people” by running them out of their hotel and/or burning them alive if they got trapped. Yeah, you thought that one through. However, you have to appreciate the sentiment. It’s sweet. Of course, one might ask why the Devil was tormenting this one guy. I mean, if I were the Devil running rampant in a Days Inn, I’d be taking advantage of that fact and driving as many people crazy as possible. That’s why suicide bombers go for busy street markets.
The investigation showed that flames began in the room in at least four different places, including the blankets.
Are they sure it’s the flames from the fire this guy set and not the flames from Satan himself when he appeared to this nutjob?
Think about it … Satan pops up over here. Old dude runs after him. He disappears. Pops up in another location in the room, “Hahaha, can’t get me sucker.” And they play this game over and over again until the Devil popped up on the bed – which was stupid on his part, because you know Days Inn does not have high quality linens, so they aren’t flame retardant and poof … bed goes up in flames. (The Devil is cunning, he’s not intelligent. Big difference.)
Hotel officials told police the man had repeatedly called hotel employees the "anti-Christ" and "spawns of Satan."
Okay, now I’m confused. Was Satan in your room a hotel employee? I mean, the maid is allowed to let herself in to clean your room.
Hotel management had asked the man to move out the day of the fire.
Duh. Umm, not winning.
The man was being held Monday at Snohomish County Jail for investigation of first-degree arson. Police who searched his room after the fire found two bottles of lighter fluid, records show.
Investigation? How much investigation has to take place, I mean, really? Come on, you can’t automatically see lighter fluid and think arson, can you? I mean, what if he’s a fire-eater? What if … yeah, I got nothing. He did it. Lock him up. He’s crazy.
The case remains under investigation by Lynnwood police. No injuries were reported.
Well, except to this dude’s fragile mental state, but hey, that was bound to happen.
No comments:
Post a Comment