First, one more food one.
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| The closest I could find to adhere to my rules. All rules followed except for the no tomato, lettuce, onion rule. |
The correct order is as follows: top bun, cheese, burger, condiments and pickles, bottom bun. Period, end-of-story. The cheese must always be on the top, and condiments must not touch cheese. Before you ask, I actually feel a twinge of appreciation for my poor, minimum-wage-earning McDonald’s burger flipper when I get a burger that is to my correct specifications. But no, I have never sent a burger back for not being in the correct order, though I have grumbled and rearranged it.
Now, onto others…
This is actually what prompted Scott’s suggestion, as I was looking for hotels. I am so picky when it comes to hotels, it’s not even funny. If it does not have Marriott, Hampton, Embassy, Crowne, Suites, Hilton, Sheraton or Westin in the name, it is not an option. If it has a door that opens to the outside instead of to a hallway, it is not an option. I have literally sat in hotel rooms, unable to sleep, crying. Sleeping is hard for me (hence my insomniac-fueled blogging habits), it’s hard anywhere but home, but it’s even worse in a nasty-ass hotel room. When you don’t know who the heck was in the room before you or what on God’s green Earth they were doing in there.
No, I don’t take it far enough to attack my room with a black light, mainly because I don’t want to know. I’d never sleep again.
And yes, I’m aware that all the hotel rooms in Disney have a door that opens to the outside. I may just not sleep the whole week we’re in Disney.
Socks
Wow, there are a lot at play here…
I will start twitching if I see someone wearing socks with sandals. You might actually have to hold me back from saying something. And I know the biggest offenders of this rule are old men who are probably senile, but that’s still no excuse. And yes, Scott has had to hold me back from saying something to people before.
White/blackDo not, and I mean, do not wear black socks and white shoes or white socks with black shoes, especially not with flood pants. I will go off - you are not Michael Jackson.
If you watch a college basketball game with me (mainly because I don’t watch the NBA), I will go off every single time I see a player break this rule – and it happens often. I even wrote a story about it for the sports magazine I wrote for a few years back. (And yes, if I ever find some of the old stuff I wrote for him, I will post it here. But I’ve had so many hard drive crashes since then, who knows which back-up it’s on.) A guy could be the best ball player ever, and I will badmouth him if he violates this simple sock rule. This will negate anything redeeming about a person.
This is aimed primarily at guys – cause girls have stylish knee socks and are an exception to this rule. If it’s warm enough to wear shorts, there is absolutely no need to wear socks pulled up to your knees. If you don’t want to show off your legs, then wear a pair of jeans! And no, it’s not the least bit sexy to “tease” us with a little bit of knee. It’s downright lazy dressing.
I saw a man the other day wearing shorts, black socks pulled up to his knees and white tennis shoes. We had to leave right then because my head was about to explode.
Blame my stepdad for this one. When I was little, if there were holes in your socks (or anything else you were wearing, for that matter), he would stick his finger in the hole and rip. To this day, if I see a hole on a sock, I will rip it, I don’t care if someone is wearing it or not. Let’s just say I am so notorious for this behavior, even Munchkin does it, and she’s only two!
If there is something nasty in a kitchen sink, I absolutely will not drink water that comes out of the faucet. I’m well aware the water that comes out of the faucet has absolutely nothing to do with whatever grossness is in the sink itself, but it’s just a mental block that I cannot get past. (Keep in mind, this is even if I drink tap water, which is very rare. It just tastes funny.)
While we’re on the topic of water … I can taste a difference between Aquafina and Dasani. Dasani is the devil. Don’t tell me “it’s just water” or “it’s all in my head.” There is a taste difference. Screw you and your Dasani-drinking self.
I do not like to swim, and I can’t pinpoint an exact reason why. But I absolutely, positively cannot stand swimming in lakes, rivers, oceans, etc. If there’s a possibility for fish or other sea life to be rubbing against my feet, legs, or any other extremity, count me out. Didn't Steve Irwin teach us anything????
I am claustrophobic. It’s a known fact. Elevators will about cause me to go into fits if they are a) too small, b) take too long to get anywhere, c) stop but seem to take too long to open the door or d) all of the above. It’s not just elevators – being under the covers, a pillow over my head, etc. Nope, can’t handle it. Why can’t I handle it? It’s mainly because I don’t like breathing the same air over and over again. It’s true love for me to crawl under the covers with Munchkin when she asks.
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| The correct way to hold a CD in my world |
I keep my CDs in a CD book. They must go in a certain order.
1) Alphabetical by artist’s last name, or group name
2) Within an artist, multiple albums must go in chronological order
3) All CDs must be in their sleeve exactly up and down
Why is this? Well, the alphabetical/chronological thing makes sense, so I can find them. The straight up and down thing, well, that’s because they look better. But mostly because that’s the easiest way for me to tell if Scott’s been into my CD book without asking first.
Oh, and don’t you dare touch a CD any other way than by the edges. I will yell at you. If there’s a CD cleaning rag handy, I will make you wipe your fingerprints off of the CD. And then I will make you prove to me you know how to hold the CD correctly before you are done with it. I just cannot stand people’s grimy mitts all over my CDs. That’s why God invented the edges. (DVD handling adheres to the same rule.)
If CDs have not made it to the book, they are to go into their correct case. The handful of CDs I have in my car do not adhere to this rule, mainly because they have been thrown in my console while doing 80 on the interstate, but believe me, there is a great deal of shame felt every time I reach in for a CD and struggle to find it. My rules exist for a reason, dammit.
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| Want, want, WANT!!! |
Similar to CDs, DVDs must in in the correct case and must be placed in alphabetic order. If they are on a shelf, they should be aligned with the edge of the shelf.
Since Munchkin came along, my huge DVD collection has been moved to the closet, in various boxes, and I hate it. It makes finding a movie so much harder. I want to put them in order somewhere, but I don’t have anywhere to do it that Munchkin won’t get her hands on them an take them out of order, put them in the wrong cases, and get fingerprints all over them. It is just safer for my sanity to go for the violation of one rule as opposed to all of them.
(Yes, anyone who has been to my house recently has seen me struggle to find a DVD. Why? Because Scott doesn’t put them in the cases or where they belong – or Munchkin, for that matter, since she knows how to do it – and this is just further proof why the rules are in place.)
It’s because I’m left-handed, but my clothes must be put on the hanger such that they are facing left. It’s a pain because Scott’s right-handed and he always hangs my clothes wrong. This is a quirk I’ve learned to deal with since I hate doing laundry so much – but it’s hilarious to look in our closet because you know exactly who hung what based on which direction it is hanging.
I have a very particular way I fold t-shirts. It gets them very flat and therefore storage is easy. Scott cannot master this. I have tried to teach him. He cannot figure it out. Again, reference the fact I hate doing laundry, so I just deal with whatever I get because if it gets me out of folding laundry, I’m grateful. But again, you can look at how the laundry was folded and tell exactly who did it.
The true irony of the whole t-shirt folding thing is that, when I worked at Hill’s, I sucked at folding. Even using the cheating folding aid, I sucked so bad, they told me not to fold. Someone else would always take care of it. Hey, it may be my crappy way of folding, but it’s mine.
I do not know why, but I must have a fan blowing on me at all times when I sleep. (This might be one more reason why sleeping in a hotel is awkward and neigh-on-impossible for me.) I am not sure if it’s the moving air, the white noise, the fact it keeps me cool so I can stay under the covers … I don’t know. But if I don’t have a fan, I freak out.
And we've come full-circle, back to food. Not sure if this is so much a quirk, but a confession. I'm sure a number of you may de-friend me for saying this. But I actually miss Crystal Pepsi. I want to bring it back. There's just something awesome about drinking something that looks like Sprite but tastes like Pepsi. It's like, "Hahaha, your brain thought you were getting that nasty lemon-lime shit ... not this time, pal. I am your taste buds and I win this battle!"
I am absolutely sure I have more that I should mention (or maybe not), but it’s getting late, the Ambien is starting to kick in, and I need to get whatever sleep I can get. If I can get my wonderful daughter the heck from in front of my fan.
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