General observations in Disney

There are a lot of "random" things I noticed while on vacation - and I'm sure I'll come up with another list before it's all said and done. But, this is a good start.

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Picture it – you’ve been planning this vacation for months (nay, years), and the day before you’re stopped up, your head’s about to explode and you’re running a fever. The tell-tale sign of a sinus infection. Umm, yay.

Unfortunately, sinus infection always equals no voice to me, so I spent most of the vacation croaking. And because I was on antibiotics, I wore out much faster than I normally would. Oh, the random coughing fits were fun … and the going through an entire box of Kleenex (the cheap, sandpaper-like ones in the hotel room, how they still have the brand name Kleenex on them is beyond me).

Even better, at Epcot, the flower show was going on. Yay! Flowers and allergies made for a super-fun time at Epcot. The topiaries were kinda cool, the headache they brought on was not.

Sprint

Not a damn thing, apparently.

Orlando is supposed to be a 4G city. With 4G-capable phones, and paying $10 a month for 4G service you can only use in like 12 cities in the country, Scott and I were kind of excited to finally get to take advantage of a service we’ve been paying for since August.

Not only were we unable to connect to 4G, but we apparently are in a Sprint black hole. Reception was intermittent, at best, even the most basic 3G. I hate Sprint. Oh, and yeah, there’s a cool app you can get with maps and wait times and other cool stuff … but it’s only available on Verizon. What the hell? Where is the Sprint love in Disney?

AND I borrowed a Sprint mobile broadband card so I could keep up with my work email. For whatever reason, the card stopped working on Sunday. WTF? Since I borrowed it, I really hope it didn’t break while I had it, what a great thing to start my first day back at work with. “Uh, sorry, dude, but your card broke. I didn’t do it, but yeah, sorry.” I mean, it worked every day until then, and then it just stopped. Of course, it is entirely possible it’s because of the Sprint black hole I was in. Either that or Disney was onto me that I found a way around their $10 a day charge for Wi-Fi and cock-blocked my internet access. That wouldn’t surprise me at all.

Plaid shorts
What the hell is it with guys wearing plaid shorts? (Some women too – which, in case you didn’t know this, makes your ass look huge.) Worst of all, plaid shorts with pastel colors and shirts that in no way match those plaid shorts. There are a few people who can pull off this look, but they are few and far between. I did have the luxury of hanging out with one, and let’s just say, he was hot. I think it’s the hotness factor that makes up for the non-matching factor. Ugly dudes can’t do it. Women can’t do it (see above). Dudes doing it in a desperate attempt to be cool can’t do it. They should seriously have a line for people wearing plaid shorts, and someone standing there determining if you can continue on or return back to your hotel to change. “No, I’m sorry, you’re not cool enough to pull off this look. Please try again.” (It’s akin to wearing berets in France. Only tourists wear berets in France.)

Inanimate objects
Alright, seriously, what is it with people who have to take a picture standing in front of some concrete statue of a Disney character, or a topiary of a Disney character? I mean, really? Is it just to prove that you were there? “Come on, I know you said you went to Disney, but unless I see a picture of you standing in front of a topiary of Mickey, I won’t believe it.” Riiiiiiight.

The topiaries were actually pretty cool. I mean, normally, I’m not a plant person, but to get them to look like the characters was kind of cool. But it was almost impossible to snap a picture without some idiot tourist jumping in front asking someone “hey, get my picture with this thing.” I went to take a picture of a Daisy Duck topiary and was waiting on stupid-ass tourists to get out of my way and this chick behind me goes, “Finally, someone else gets it. I just want a picture of the thing.” I smiled and was like, “Exactly.”

Stupid/Rude people
I end up bitching about this on every vacation. But seriously, there are some people who are just complete assholes. They run in front of you while you’re trying to take a picture. Or they run up to get their picture with an inanimate object, thereby ruining your shot. Or they get in front of you and go insanely slow. Or they try to run you over with their motorized scooter. Or they don’t know enough to say, “sorry” after they run into you, hit you with a stroller, or get a little too close in line.

Perky cast members

All Disney employees are called cast members. Most of them are wayyyyyyyy too happy to be here. Actually, no, most of them are super-nice and fascinating. I love how they have their hometown on their nametags – we’ve run into some Kentucky people. I even ran into one chick from Haiti and had her speak French to Jocelyn. But there are some who are complete assholes. How did they get the job here? You would think they failed the personality requirement. I mean, there was this midget who was handling the line to meet Daisy Duck and I just wanted to punt him across the room. (Well, we were outside, but you get the point.) Scott said his temper was just a little short. Whatever, he was a jerk-off. Maybe that’s what he needed, I don’t really know.

Characters

There are characters everywhere!!! They’re everywhere, they’re everywhere! I’m not sure if it’s a promotion or a demotion to be stuck in the character suit in the heat – especially in the summer. Some people who play the characters are awesome. When we met Minnie, she was unbelievable – she took my purse and set it out of the way for the picture, gave me and Jocelyn kisses … but then again, the guy who played Handy Manny at Hollywood Studios, he about sucked. A majority of the characters we’ve interacted with have been so great, especially with Munchkin’s apprehension to them. Stitch was great. Special Agent Oso tried, he really did (then he molested my friend Meredith). June from Little Einsteins was pretty cool, she even kissed Brandon’s head a second time so I could get a picture and she made sure I got the picture before she left. The Pooh characters were great – except Piglet was a moron. I told Jocelyn to get up on the chair so I could get a picture of Piglet with her, and I guess Piglet thought I asked him to pull up a seat and eat with us because he shook his head and moved the chair. Whatever. Stupid pig.

The TV in the room
Every time you turn on the TV in the room, it defaults to the “attractions” channel. Come on, people, we’re already here. We don’t need even more advertisements. Get over yourselves, Disney. You already own us, do you need our souls too?

More to come...