It's 3:50 p.m., do you know where your kidney is?

 Let me throw this out there, first, I’m not belittling what this guy did. It’s insanely selfless and, in today’s world, I’m amazed someone would do that. That being said, there are some things about this story that just make me laugh out loud.

Michigan Man Finds Kidney on Facebook

When Jeff Kurze found out his kidneys were failing, he and his wife Roxy put their lives on hold. The young couple from Warren, Michigan, hoped to start a family, but dialysis left Jeff, 35, too frail. He needed a new kidney.

That’s usually the next stage after dialysis. Thank you, Captain Obvious.

After Jeff suffered a mini stroke last fall, doctors said it could take five years for him to climb the kidney waiting list and get the type O match he needed. That's when a desperate Roxy took to Facebook.

I still find the term “mini stroke,” hilarious. My dad had these too. Um, blood flow to the brain stopped or it didn’t, it doesn’t matter the size, it’s still bad. If the blood stops flowing to your brain, you’re gonna have a bad time.

"Wishing a kidney would fall out of the sky so my husband can stop suffering," Roxy Kurze, a 30-year-old web designer, wrote on her Facebook wall. "So if anyone knows of a live donor with type O blood, PLEASE let me know."

Well, of course she wrote that. It’s not like she was going to say, “If you know anyone who is blood type O with healthy kidneys and who is knocking on death’s door, please let me know!”

Some people replied to say they'd get tested. But Roxy was skeptical.

"Sometimes people say stuff just so that other people will comment," Roxy said.

Well, I’d be skeptical too, it’s Facebook. I’d be even more skeptical if someone offered from MySpace because, well, only losers use MySpace.

Then she got a private message from Ricky Cisco, a 25-year-old comedian she met once through work.

Wow, did they use the term PM? Really?

"We never even liked each other's posts," Roxy said, explaining that although they were "Facebook friends," they were basically strangers.

I love the “we never even liked each other’s posts,” line. I know what she meant, insomuch as she didn’t ever pay attention to his (shoot, she probably had him blocked) and he didn’t pay attention to hers. Wow, isn’t she glad he didn’t block her???? But it sounds funny, as one of those “I never even liked this person before,” kind of lines. Yeah, I have a bunch of Facebook friends who were people I met once – I think we all do. In fact, that makes me think, it might be time to do a little “housecleaning” on Facebook.

Cisco, who knew he had type O blood, wrote that he wanted to talk about Jeff's kidney, and asked to meet Roxy for coffee.

Are you sure he didn’t just look at your pictures and decide he wanted to meet up so he was waiting in the wings for when your husband kicks off?

Wow, that was insanely mean. But you know you thought it. Don't deny it.

"Roxy's post sort of resonated because I knew right off the bat I was a candidate," Cisco said.

Well, yeah, you ARE the universal donor. Side note, I’m glad you knew your blood type, until I had Jocelyn, I didn’t know mine. I bet my husband doesn’t know his. (Here’s a shock, since my kid is type O and I’m B, process of elimination says he *has* to be O. And there’s no denying my kid is his, so don’t even go there…)

Cisco had never considered live kidney donation before and knew little about it.

Well, who really wakes up one morning and says, “You know what, I’m going to donate a kidney today.” No, you wake up and say you decide you are going to donate your time and money to a charity, you don’t just decide this unless you know someone who needs it.

"I had heard horror story side -- you know, people waking up in bath tubs and that," he said. "I had never heard the voluntary side."

Grrrrr … Grammar Nazi alert – there are TWO excessive hads in that sentence. Really? And isn’t bathtub a compound word and not two words?

But some online research revealed that the surgical risks were low and that life with one kidney would be no different, he said.

Because everything you read online is legit and true. Thank you all-knowing and ever-powerful Wikipedia.

So the two strangers met for coffee. "He hugged me and said, 'I want to give my kidney to your husband,'" Roxy said. "I said, 'You don't even know us -- you don't know me, you don't know my husband.'"

You know, he really should have made sure he was a match before making such a sweeping statement. I mean, yeah, he knew his blood type was a match, but isn’t there more involved in donor matching than that? Or have I been watching too much House?

But Cisco knew it was meant to be.

“No, you can't stop the river from rollin' to the ocean
It's a destiny that the good Lord put into motion
Like a baby's tears and a mother's devotion
Some things are meant to be”
(Thank you Linda Davis)

"I was prepared to donate my kidney to anybody but it was really nice to have Jeff and Roxy be the people getting it," he said.

Wait a minute, this doesn’t jive. You didn’t even know about live donation until you read this woman’s Facebook post. So, yeah, you hadn’t given it any thought before then. So you got prepared after you’d already made the decision to donate to this guy. Seems a bit reactive to me. But I’m glad you’re happy with your decision. It would be a shame to have kidney-donor-remorse.

Roxy eagerly waited for Jeff to get home from work that November night.

What, she didn’t call him and tease him, “We have to talk,” or “I got a surprise for you!” (Grammar Nazi cringe.)

"She told me on the stairs when I got home from work. I was just so in shock that I had to sit down. I could hardly breathe," Jeff said. "I doubted it a little bit at first. I just said, 'We'll see what happens.' And what happened was amazing."

Why is it important to tell us she told you on the stairs. Or when you got home from work. All that matters is she told you. I mean, seriously, talk about fluff for the sake of fluff.

Are you sure you had to sit down because you couldn’t breathe because of the news, or because of your crappy health?

Cisco went to Beaumont hospital in Royal Oak, Michigan, to start the screening process immediately.
Like, as soon as he left the coffee house? Wow, he’s an amazing guy. Whoever ends up with his single-kidney-self should be grateful. He’ll probably propose to her on the spot, he’s just so on the ball.

"The people who step up to be living donors are usually family members or people who know the individual with kidney failure because they love them and they want to do something to help," said Dr. Dilip Samarapungavan, medical director of multiorgan transplantation at Beaumont Hospital.

Elitist reporter note: Shouldn’t it be “multi-organ” instead of “multiorgan.” (Before you ask, actually, AP style does dictate that titles are in lowercase, for whatever reason, so that’s right.)

Did they just need more fluff? I mean, that’s sort of a given. Thanks Dr. Obvious.

"To have someone step for pretty much out of the blue, that's a very special circumstance," Samarapungavan said. "Not enough can be said about someone like that."

Actually, enough probably can be said, it’s about a 1,000-word article.

Living donors are carefully screened to make sure they aren't putting themselves at any long term risk.

I should hope so. I mean, it would sort of a violation of the Hypocratic oath to rip the organs from an individual just to cause them to suffer later.

"Especially Mr. Cisco -- he's young and he has his whole life ahead of him," Samarapungavan said.

Or he could die tomorrow. You don’t know. Sheesh, a doctor should know this kind of stuff.

The final series of tests in February revealed that Cisco's kidney was a "weirdly perfect" match, Cisco said.

How weirdly perfect was it? Come on, you’re a comedian (supposedly), can’t you come up with something better than that?

"Ricky told us that everything was going to work out -- that the surgery would be March 30," Jeff said. "I couldn't breathe. I knew he wouldn't give up after that."

There he goes with the can’t breathe thing again. I think it really has to do with his health and not the news.

If he did give up on it, this would be a completely different kind of news story, don’t you think? Probably one about a missing person.

And he didn't. On March 29, Jeff had his last dialysis treatment.

All together now, a collective “awwww.”

"Dialysis just sucks the life out of you. It's pretty bad," Jeff said. "I have to say the last dialysis was definitely the best one ever!"

I bet you kidney disease sucks the life out of you more. I’m just saying.

The next morning, Cisco and the Kurzes, who went from strangers to best friends in the time leading up to that day, arrived at Beaumont Hospital for the transplant. 

Well, it would kind of be a downer if the two of them hated each other, don't you think? And I bet old dude might just take his kidney back. "I'm not donating my kidney to you, you're a jerk."

 

The procedure went off without a hitch.

"I'm really proud of myself," Cisco said. "I'm not like a super-altruistic person or anything. I've always just sort of been in my head. To put myself out in the world like this has really changed my perspective."

There you go, give yourself a pat on the back, and enjoy all the free press you’re getting. We’ll see you on Comedy Central later this year, won’t we?

Okay, I know that’s not what he thought when he agreed to this, but you have to admit, he won’t turn it down if it happens after all this publicity.

Now a week after the surgery, Cisco said he feels "amazing."

I bet the other guy feels even more amazing.

"I just can't lift heavy stuff. But I can't lift heavy stuff anyway," he said, jokingly.

A comedian said something jokingly, say it ain’t so!

Jeff has never felt better either. And he's eternally grateful for his wife's Facebook plea.

Thank you, Captain Obvious. Again.

"She saved my life too," Jeff said. "I feel like it was fate and destiny. If it hadn't been for her, I wouldn't have been in the right place to meet Ricky."

Fate and destiny. Not just fate. Not just destiny. Both fate and destiny.
“Call it fate, call it destiny
But some things, are meant to be.”
(Thank you Sammy Kershaw)

And for the record, we should really thank her job because she became Facebook friends with Ricky because of that, otherwise your plea would have gone unnoticed. Oh shoot, let’s thank Ricky’s parents for having sex to conceive him, or else this wouldn’t have happened. And let’s thank God for creating man (and kidneys), for without which, this story might never have happened.

The Kurzes are excited to start planning a family, and have Cisco to thank for the chance.

Okay, dude, it’s been a week since your surgery. Aren’t you putting the cart before the horse? Have you even been cleared to have sex again? Yeah, might want to hold off on that until you regain your  strength and know for sure your body isn’t going to reject that “weirdly perfect” kidney.

"I don't know how we can ever repay him," Jeff said. "Just love him, I guess."

Maybe name your first-born after him. Just throwing it out there.