The true irony of job searching

Job hunting sucks. Everyone can attest to it, and just about everyone I know from my department at the former-employer-who-shall-not-be-named is just now starting to learn how much it sucks (in case they forgot). I never really forgot because I was always so unhappy at the former-employer-who-shall-not-be-named, that I was constantly on the search for something better. (The irony of that one is that I finally escaped that department and entered a far worse one. Go figure.)

Enough of that ... onto the real irony I intended to write about.

In order to apply for a job, you have to have a carefully-crafted resume, with job descriptions that border on the side of creative writing, and sometimes blur into the gray area of flat-out lying. (Mine doesn't, but that's why I don't have a resume with blinking lights that scream "hire me." I refuse to lie. DING - perhaps that's why my search has been fruitless.)

Beyond that, you have to write a cover letter that can grasp someone and keep it compelling enough for the potential employer to finish reading the letter, read the attached resume that features almost-lies, and then pick up the phone and call you to learn more. That's a tall order.

Even worse, they don't want you to appear like you have an ego. It's very hard to brag about yourself without looking full of yourself. At the same time, you can't downplay your experiences and seem like you don't have any faith in yourself of your abilities. It's a tough tightrope to walk.

I've written cover letters I was very proud of and received no response. I've also written some that were so-so, and I received compliments from a potential employer (alas, compliments only, no job offer.)

I just don't understand. I was taught a long time ago that you can't have it all. You can't have your cake and eat it too (just ask Marie Antoinette about that one), so why should they expect me to write something that advertises how great I am without appearing like an ego-maniacal ass? Oh the quandaries job hunting put you in.

For me, I can write. I know I can. Actually, I take that back, I don't know I can. But all my family and friends tell me I can, so I take their word for it. If you hear it enough times, you start to believe it. I guess I believe it now. The problem is that I'm not egotistical. I don't like bragging about how I'm so good at this, or how I know I can write that better because, well, I don't know that. I think I can, but writing a cover letter in the style of "The Little Engine Who Could" isn't going to get me a job.

What prompted this incoherent rant? (Well, let me admit, Tylenol PM contributed.) I received an e-mail asking for my "most compelling copy" to prove why I'm the right candidate for the job. Uhhh, didn't I do that when I wrote the cover letter I initially sent? What exactly is "compelling copy" anyway? What's compelling to me might not be compelling to someone else. Damn the connotations.

I think Mrs. Doubtfire had it right. "I am job."

Well, that's it. There's my compelling copy. I'll be sure to let you know if it pans out.