Saturday delivery

I heard the post office is going to drop Saturday deliveries in an effort to save money. Whatever.

My theory is just that so many mail carriers bitched that they don't get a two-day weekend like everyone else, so they staged a coup and told the PostMaster General that they would go postal if he didn't do something about it.

It just does not compute.

Think about it - first of all, how many of us have abandoned postal mail? God knows only my mortgage and one or two credit cards actually send me a paper bill. Everything else is online. I know I'm not the only one who has pretty much gone as paperless as possible. With everyone moving this direction, there's less mail to run. So obviously they are saving money by cutting mail sorter's hours because there's no so much mail to sort anymore. Because there's less mail, I'm sure there are less workman's comp complaints about hernias, slipped discs, etc. that the post office has to pay.

Second, aren't mail carriers on salary? If not, they should be. Think about it. It would save money during the Christmas season so they didn't have to pay time-and-a-half overtime. If they are, indeed, on salary, you're not saving any money by giving them a free day off. I'm just saying.

Third, it's not like they are saving money by keeping the post office closed with the power off. Post offices are open 24-7 with the lights on so people can go to their P.O. boxes. So they can't claim they are saving money on electricity.

Fourth, I heard they were cutting Saturday delivery, but didn't hear if the actual office would be open for customers. So they will still have to pay the evil mail clerks who hate helping people. Perhaps they should fire the evil ones and use the money to invest in another automated package mailing machine. God knows that's all I ever use. It's got to pay for itself pretty quickly.

Yes, I know, they are saving gas money on their little white trucks, but how much can they really be saving by cutting out Saturday delivery? Besides, if they'd get with the program and buy new trucks - maybe hybrids, it will be a non-issue. I mean, hybrids get better gas mileage in the city because they charge when you press the brake, so it makes sense. Maybe the federal government can reinstate the hybrid tax break, and then the post office can get the tax break besides. (That's sort of like robbing Peter to pay Paul, but don't put that past our government.)

Here are some other ideas on how they can save money without cutting Saturday delivery or raising postage prices:

1) You know those office buildings that have a ton of different businesses in them? Well, instead of making the mail carriers go to each office to drop off the mail, just throw all the mail in a bucket in the lobby and let each business bob for mail. It's a win-win ... entertaining to watch everyone clamor to get their mail, and the mail carriers can add more to their routes because they'll get their job done so much faster. Then the idiot mail carriers who can't seem to read numbers correctly to give the right mail to the right house can be "let-go" to find a job that doesn't involve reading, and the postal service saves money on over-paying those idiots.

2) Stop giving out priority mail boxes for free dumbasses. I have a stockpile of the boxes in my garage that I will probably end up using for storing fabric scraps or something. They are the perfect size for organizing things like that. I bet I'm not the only one who has a big ol' pile of free priority mail boxes for which the post office will never see postage.

3) Along those lines ... provide change-of-address forms in a more efficient way than just leaving them out for all to take however many they want. The Lowe's coupon in there (or at least that used to be in there) was pretty damn good, so I know I went out and grabbed a bunch of them to have multiple coupons. They wouldn't have to print up so many change-of-address form packets if people can't stockpile Lowe's coupons.

4) Speaking of change-of-address forms, get some more advertisers for those things. Duh. When I was in college we had a booklet of ads and coupons (once again, that we stockpiled because they were free and accessible). It wouldn't cost a whole lot more to print them up that way versus the way they are now. With the increased advertising space given the new format, it's a win.

5) You ever think to procure junk mailings from companies that can specifically target those people with P.O. boxes? Maybe The UPS Store can buy advertising space to hock the P.O. boxes they rent out. But since it's only going to people with P.O. boxes, you don't have to print as many as you would a normal junk mailing.

6) Allow people to send alcohol and living things through the postal service. How many customers have they lost to UPS and FedEx because of that? I'm not talking about allowing people to box up their children and shipping them to deadbeat dads (though, that is an interesting theory) but you know, legit businesses who need to send those things. I know I've wanted to send locally-made liquors to people back home, but, well, I can't. I obviously don't care about them enough to be anally violated by UPS, so I don't bother sending it.

7) Rent out the parking lots of post offices on Sundays. Jello wrestling, local bands, Girl Scouts who want to hock their waistline-increasing wares, demonstrators who want to protest the postal service, you know, whatever. But they aren't using the parking lot on Sundays, might as well make a profit from that.

8) You know the correspondence the postal service sends? You know what I'm talking about ... the letters to tell you that you sent in a change-of-address form or something. Sell some advertising on the envelope. No one opens these, so selling ad space on the inside is a waste of advertisers' money, but the envelope is fair game.

9) Oh, here's one. Raise your bulk mail rates, geniuses. You get money, and sure we end up paying for it by higher subscription rates, but it works well for the postal service. Think about it, they get more out of the postage for the magazine. On top of that, when the magazine publisher sends those "act now and get this great subscription rate" letters over and over again, you get the postage for those too. The more attempts they make to woo us back, the more postage the postal service gets. (And, coincidentally enough, the more my shredder gets to eat. Hungry, hungry shredder.)

Well, there's a handful of ideas for the government. I love Saturday delivery of mail. Mainly because I love scoffing that there are government employees who have to work on the weekend, but you know, we all have to get our jollies from something. :)