*Disclaimer: I AM NOT PREGNANT AGAIN! So don't ask.*
And now for numbers 4-6. If you missed the beginning of this series, click for 1-3.
Just a reminder, I left these completely unedited from how I wrote them in my pregnancy-haze. If there are typos, well, blame it on the hormones. I do.
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4. There’s a rumbly in my tumbly.
And guess what, it’s really okay!
I didn’t start feeling the baby move until about 21 weeks. But once I did, I realized it was the coolest feeling in the world, and the one thing about pregnancy I’d miss.
A bunch of my friends were pregnant before me and they told me how cool it was. But they neglected to fill me in on the intense paranoia that comes with it. Because you really learn when your child is more active (though, I contend mine is definitely related to my husband because all it wants to do is sleep). And when you don’t feel your kid move when you normally do, you freak out, to an inhuman level.
I would feel mine move, usually later in the evening, like when we were watching television after dinner or as I was trying to fall asleep. But there for a couple days, I didn’t really feel it much – and movements I chalked up to the baby for the last few weeks, I was starting to second guess. So, then, picture the headlines that stream across the bottom of the screen on Headline News, I’ve got this mental ticker going through my head “Baby not moving … IT’S DEAD … OH MY GOD … Call the doctor …” Luckily I felt the baby move before I called my doctor and looked like a complete imbecile, but that didn’t stop the insane paranoia.
5. People want to touch your belly and it’s not okay to break their fingers for doing so.
I do not understand the fascination with touching a pregnant woman’s belly. Now, I understand why I’m always touching it – it’s sort of there and in my way. But that’s no reason for everyone I know to want to lay their hand on it. I’ve even yelled at my husband for doing it. (Mainly because he decided to do it in the middle of Wal-Mart and I have yet to figure out the need for that – did he really think he needed to prove it was his there so they didn’t charge us for it or accuse us of stealing?)
But what is the deal? I almost killed a couple people for doing it. I am not one of those people who likes to be touched (seriously, ask my husband), so why do you feel it’s okay to just walk up and start feeling up on me? And what’s worse, if I break your hand for doing so, I’ll go to jail because I don’t think a judge would accept “hormonal and pissed off” as a viable excuse for assault and battery.
6. Sex isn’t fun, in fact, it’s a curse.
First, the truth. I have to come clean, I’m not a sex maniac. It’s there, it’s entertaining, but it’s also a pain in the butt. When you’re pregnant, it’s an even bigger pain in the butt for so many more reasons.
The husband walks in the room and decides to start rubbing my back. I’m half asleep and him rubbing my back doesn’t help me sleep, but he hasn’t done it in six months, so I’m really digging on this. I should have known it was leading somewhere, because he never, ever rubs my back without it leading somewhere (men!). So, being the nice person I am, I decide to give in to him, it has been awhile.
God, now I know why it’s been awhile. It sucks. It plain sucks. It’s hard for me to move. The belly gets in the way. I’m not enjoying any of it. And when it’s all said and done, I’m wide awake (reference the insomnia above) and ticked off, and he’s snoring already.
Stupid sex. Got me into this mess, and continues to make my life miserable.
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