Series: What I Learned Being Pregnant, Part Three

*Disclaimer: I AM NOT PREGNANT AGAIN! So don't ask.*

And now for numbers 7-9. If you missed the beginning of this series, click for 1-3 and 4-6.

Just a reminder, I left these completely unedited from how I wrote them in my pregnancy-haze. If there are typos, well, blame it on the hormones. I do.

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7.  Sleep is more important than anything.

When my mom comes to town, it’s time to start cleaning the house – and doing stuff we normally don’t do, because she’s seriously like Mary Poppins with the white glove criticizing me for not cleaning every speck of dust. No, actually, she’s not that bad, but God knows what she says about my housekeeping skills behind my back.

Regardless, it’s almost Christmas and it’s time to go on the cleaning rampage before she shows up. Problem being, me and the husband are both sick. (I caught it, gave it to him, and he gave it back to me. Stupid weakened immune system.) Well, when you’re sick all you want to do is sleep – multiply that by about 2,000 when you’re sick and pregnant. No cleaning got done before Mom showed up because I was seriously sleeping every chance I got.

And even after I got over being sick, I was going to bed by like nine at night. The husband thinks there’s something wrong with me. I’m like, “Yeah, I’m being used.” After all, think about it, your body is being used not only as a storage unit, but as a food source and energy factory for this little thing. And it takes everything out of it just to walk from one room to another – let alone function for an entire day.

What’s worse is everyone who has had a newborn always tells you to enjoy what sleep you get now because you won’t get it later. Well, no duh, it’s not like I have to be a genius to figure that out. So, why is there anything wrong with the fact I want to sleep more than I want to eat. Or anything else for that matter?

8. It really is possible, and completely normal, to have to pee every 15 minutes.

My husband thinks it’s funny I have had to get up and pee upwards of five times in the middle of the night. (I’ve learned to cut off liquids around 7:00 to cut that to only once or twice.) Seriously, if he keeps it up, I’m going to start waking him up every time I get up to pee, just so he can enjoy the fun. Then again, it’s nowhere near as hard for him to fall back asleep, so it may not bother him at all.

But there are days where I’ll just jump up out of nowhere and he’s like, “didn’t you just pee like 10 minutes ago?” Well, yeah, but now I have to go again. What the hell is this, the inquisition?

In reality, it’s not as bad as he makes it out to be. The more I drink, the more I have to pee – the same with any normal person. It’s not rocket science here. But there are those days when it does seem I wear a track between the living room and the bathroom.

9. You don’t want it till you can’t have it.

Get pregnant and get a long list of things you aren’t allowed to eat. Seriously. It’s sort of scary.

And now that I’m not allowed to have them, you have no idea how bad I want them. I would kill for some over-easy eggs so I can dip my toast in the runny yolks. But nope, can’t have those – have to cook the yolks completely if you want eggs. I want some freakin’ chips and queso, but nope, can’t have that because queso sometimes uses cheese that’s not pasteurized and that’s not safe. I want that darn bottle of wine in my fridge. Nope, can’t have that either.

Now, what is funny about all that is that I can go months and months before I go to Cracker Barrel and order some over-easy eggs. But since they are on the no-no list, I want to do it all the time. It’s all I think about. Mmmm, forbidden runny eggs.

And the husband, he already knows that as soon as this child is born, he’s going down to the local Mexican place and he’s getting me a bucket (no, an entire trough) of queso and bringing it to me in the hospital. We also have the post-baby bottle of wine sitting at home waiting (and taunting me for the next three months, of course).

You know, just as soon as I’m able to eat the eggs and the queso and drink the wine (dear God, not at the same time), I won’t want any of it. 

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Tomorrow, 10-12. (There's only 19, so you've only got three more days of this.)