Movie review: Couples Retreat

It's human nature to revel in other people's fucked-uped-ness, and I think that's essentially the goal of this movie - but there's really nothing to revel in. Period.

I have to say, I've been sorely disappointed in Vince Vaughn movies as a general rule (with the obvious exception of Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story - but if you hated that movie, you don't deserve to breathe). I didn't like Wedding Crashers, I didn't like The Break-Up, so I really am not surprised that I didn't like this one. I wanted to. I hoped it would be funny.

After all, when Cynthia (Kristen Bell) and Jason (Jason Bateman - oh the irony) consider divorce because they can't conceive, and then drag their friends along to this retreat to save money, you really should just give up on it. But no, I gave it a chance. I want my two hours back. And a better movie from Netflix next time!

So, all the friends go to Eden West, the ultimate couples retreat. As they get off the boat, one of them says, "This place looks like a screensaver." Perhaps that should have given it away - all pretty, but lacks depth, realism and substance. Again, I should have known to give up at that point, but nope, gave it a chance.

Here's the problem - only Jason and Cynthia are interested in couples counseling. Everyone else has either given up on their marriage or thought their marriage was fine. Unfortunately, they all have to go through couples counseling. Oh no. Enter the angst-ridden portion of the plot.

There were a couple of decent one-liners. Unfortunately, they weren't good enough for me to remember today, less than 24 hours after watching the movie. Guess they weren't that good after all.

The crazy gay Asian guy from The Hangover was in this one, but he wasn't near as entertaining as he was in The Hangover. But why should that surprise anyone, this movie wasn't anywhere near as good as that one - and that one was far from cinematic gold.

If anything, this one might just have to be considered cinematic rust. Full of holes, and the more thought and time you put into it, the bigger those holes get.

Here's a hint to Vince Vaughn - give it up now. Don't write anymore movies. Just don't. Go home to your Canadian real-estate agent wife, enjoy the time with your new baby, and forget about Hollywood. Trust me, I'll thank you for it, if no one else does.