"Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy!" - another crazy lawsuit

I'm getting sued? Say what????

You all know how much I *love* frivolous lawsuits - so here you go.

Judge OKs Donald Duck molestation suit against Disney

A Delaware County woman who claims she was groped by Donald Duck at a Disney theme park may proceed with her case in federal court, a U.S. district judge has ruled.
Was she groped by Donald Duck, or a perv in a Donald Duck costume? Because it seems to me that it’s a bit far-fetched to claim fondling by an animated duck. I’m just saying…

April Magolon, 27, was vacationing at Walt Disney World in May 2008 with her fiancé and young children. 

He's obviously groping Daisy
here - I don't think she minds
at all.

With a child in her arms, she approached a cast member dressed as the notoriously feisty fowl and asked for an autograph.
Well, that’s what she did wrong, she asked for an autograph. Don’t you know the only celebrity who is nice about giving autographs is Johnny Depp??? (Actually, there are a few more, but he’s routinely listed at the top of the list about being gracious about it.)

Furthermore, who the heck wants an autograph from Donald Duck? He sucks. I mean, that’s like wanting Chip and Dale’s autograph. (The Rescue Rangers, not the dancers. I’d like a lot more than an autograph from the dancers. Oh, wait, did I just say that?)

Magolon, of Upper Darby, claims the man in the duck suit grabbed her breast, molested her, "and then made gestures making a joke indicating he had done something wrong."
Molested her? Really? I think he might have just gotten to first base, sweetheart. You’ve got kids, you’ve definitely made it further than that before, you should know the difference.

She filed suit in December 2009 claiming the incident at Disney's EPCOT Center ruined her vacation and caused her severe physical injury, emotional anguish, and distress. The encounter left her with post-traumatic stress disorder, headaches, nausea, flashbacks, and a digestive problem, she said in the lawsuit. Originally filed in Common Pleas Court, the suit was moved to federal court in August.
Okay, first of all, why the heck did she wait 18+ months to file the suit?

Second of all, why didn’t she find a manager and start running up the chain of command while she was at Disney? I bet she could have gotten a free character meal (and maybe even a strip tease) from Donald.

Third of all … “severe physical injury, emotional anguish, and distress. The encounter left her with post-traumatic stress disorder, headaches, nausea, flashbacks, and a digestive problem.” Are you freakin’ kidding me? I mean, really?

•  A titty twister is hardly a severe physical injury, especially one done through a duck costume.
• What emotional anguish? Just be happy he found you hot enough to grope. I mean, I had a customer grab my boobs to “see if they were real” while I worked at the parts store. My manager offered to “take care of it” but it was no big deal. I’m a big girl. I have boobs. I accept there are dirty old men (or dirty young men, for that matter) out there. It’s a fact of life.
• Post-traumatic stress disorder? You wake up in the middle of the night screaming because you had a nightmare about a duck raping you? Riiiiiight. It’s probably because your fiancé was trying to wake you up cause he was feeling frisky.
• Headaches, nausea – Sure you’re not pregnant again? Migraines? The flu? There are so many explanations for this one.
• Flashbacks? Well, yeah, we all have flashbacks to our vacations. Good or bad.
• Digestive problems … as a result of Donald Duck? The only digestive problem I can even fathom in regards to Donald Duck is the severe urge to upchuck if I am being held down and forced to watch a cartoon of his. (I don’t like Donald, can you tell?)

   
Magolon's attorneys claim the incident was not isolated. In court papers, they say the episode was "one in a long line of continuing, long-standing, similar prior incidents" that the Walt Disney Co. has failed to address.
How do you know they failed to address it? They just failed to address it the way you deemed fit. (And who knows, maybe you're really hot and the boss gave him a high-five for doing it.)

Did they prove it’s the same dirty old man who does it in a different costume every time? Did you ever think that maybe, just maybe, Disney is a mecca for dirty old men with weird fetishes to get jobs?

Disney said Magolon had filed suit against the wrong corporate division and asked the court to dismiss the suit or move it to Florida. The company's requests were refused last week by U.S. District Judge John R. Padova.
Grammar Nazi note: Extraneous “had” in the sentence above. Head wants to explode! Why can’t people stop doing this? (I admit I’m guilty from time to time, but still, it’s in EVERY story I read.)

I think the fact she filed it against the wrong corporate division proves she didn’t need to be filing the suit anyway. But what do I know? I’m just a poor sucker who hasn’t won a large sum of money in a frivolous lawsuit.

Padova ruled that Magolon's suit could proceed in Philadelphia because her fiancé and doctors were all in Pennsylvania. The judge also wrote that Disney was more likely to be able to afford the costs of litigation in Philadelphia than Magolon would be in Florida.
Love it – it’ll take place in Pennsylvania because Disney can afford litigation there but she can’t afford litigation in Florida. I believe it should be in Florida. The incident took place in Florida, it should go to court there. Doctors have been called in from out-of-town to testify before, this wouldn’t be any different. I think it’s further proof the suit is ridiculous and never should have been filed. Let’s cater to this delusional woman who is pissed at the world because she has breasts a duck find attractive and let her sue him.

Magolon could not be reached for comment. A Disney spokeswoman said she could not comment on pending litigation.

The lawsuit states that in 2004, after a 13-year-old girl was fondled by a man dressed as Tigger in Magic Kingdom's Toon Town, authorities received 24 similar complaints. Michael Chartrand, who portrayed Tigger, was later acquitted of all charges.
Oh, come on … this one is really ridiculous. First of all, it’s Tigger. What the heck do you expect? He’s a spaz who needs to calm down. Of course he fondles people. It’s what Tiggers do best. After all, look at what he does to Pooh time and time again. Tell me that’s not a power-play if you’ve never seen one. (And look, Piglet’s on top! We know who the real alpha male is.)

The guy was acquitted. The glove did not fit. You can’t even put a glove on Donald Duck. I don’t think this lawsuit is looking promising for you, chica.